Page 6 of Christy
Christy
I’ve spent the morning helping Anna and Daisy in the kitchen. Daisy insisted we make a late breakfast together as soon as Mayson dropped her off. Jackson and Wyatt both took the day off, so they were here to partake. Mary and Daisy made fresh-squeezed orange juice, which I can’t seem to get enough of. I think I might have had one real orange in my life, so this is a new favorite. We only ever got canned fruit up on the mountain. Mandarin oranges from the can are not bad, but there’s nothing like the real thing. Can’t say I feel the same way about bananas. Their texture is a little weird, and I feel kinda naughty eating them. What? You know it’s weird.
Anna mentioned that she can make bread from scratch, no problem, but that her biscuits never turn out. Mary spoke up when she heard that. “You have to show her, Christy.” We were sitting at the table after dinner last night while plans for the next few days were being discussed. Mary looked at Anna with a serious expression. “Christy makes the best biscuits, like ever. She makes them better than anyone else did on the mountain. They’re always so fluffy and buttery.”
Wyatt made a deal that if I made them and he thought they were great, I would teach Anna, and he promised to teach me how to drive. That was an easy deal to make. Anna, Wyatt, and Jacksonhave all been really kind. They’re all determined to help us. Jackson keeps coming up with different foods to try and movies to watch. Wyatt is determined to get us both to drive, and in his words, “Appreciate good fucking music.”
Anna and Hanna have been helping Mary and me in ways that I’m not even sure I have the words for. They’re helping us dress in more normal clothes, and Hanna has got us these tablet things we can read on. She’s introduced us to romance books. I’m not a fast reader, but I love reading things I’ve never read. I’ve missed that so much. I think the last time I read something new to me before this was at least eight years ago.
Hanna has declared that this weekend we’re going to have something called a sleepover. She’s invited some of the girls from the club family, and Anna’s going to make food. Anna told both of us that she’s going to help us get jobs and find a place to live. I’m not sure how she’s gonna do that, considering there’s no proof that either of us actually exists, but she’s certain she can. I know Max mentioned helping with it, too. He’s a lawyer, so I’m thinking that if anyone can, he can.
Max…since the day I met him up the mountain, he hasn’t left my mind. His light-grayish brown eyes…I felt like they could see inside of me, see my innermost thoughts. He’s also really sweet and kind. I’m still getting used to any man being that way.
The first couple of days, I kept waiting for Jackson or Wyatt to yell at Anna or even Mayson or Asher to talk down to her. Logan must have been paying attention because he came and talked to me. Told me he could see I was waiting for the anger to happen. “Yeah, there are men like that down here, but none are in this family. I don’t know a single one who would ever yell at a woman like you’re used to. These men also value women as people, not objects. It’s different from what you’re used to and will take time to adjust, but you don’teverhave to accept being treated like that again.”
I’m brought back to reality when I’m hit in the gut with a tiara. Daisy looks at me. “It’s princess time!” She pulls me to stand up and follow her, but Jackson stands in her way. He looks down, and I can feel the love he’s got for her coming off him. “You’re gonna have to play with your nana and papa for a bit. I’m taking Christy out for a while, okay?” Daisy looks between us. “Okay, Gampa. Can you bring me back a cookie?” He shakes his head while smiling. “I don’t know that we’re gonna be where there are cookies, but I’m pretty sure Mary was gonna make some. Maybe you could help her?” She takes off toward the kitchen, both of us quickly forgotten.
Jackson looks over at me. “I was gonna go over to Linnea and Jonah’s. Thought you might like to go so you can pick Linnea’s brain about your parents’ legal names. You don’t have to—” Iinterrupt Jackson. “I would like that, thank you.” He gives me a smile. “Let me grab my keys and tell my Anna we’re going. I’ll meet you outside.” I go grab a sweater that Hanna gave me and hurry outside to wait by his truck. A couple of minutes later, he comes out with a plastic bag in his hand. “Anna’s got some dishes to return to Linnea. I swear I can never leave the house without something.” He shakes his head but has a smile on his face, telling me he really doesn’t mind.
We get into his truck, he starts it, and pulls out of the driveway. I don’t know the way, but I know they live about ten minutes apart.
We’re a couple of minutes into the drive when Jackson speaks up. “You know I’m the last in my family. I have my cousin, Wyatt, and of course, Anna, our kids, and Daisy, but I don’t have my parents or my brother. It’s something that I think hits differently if you’ve never experienced it. Anna has, in a way. Not because her family is no longer living, but because the day she agreed to marry us, her parents disowned her. Mary’s father was in college the last time Anna knew of his whereabouts. I’m sure her parents are long gone, but she has no confirmation. It’s like there’s no one else on the planet who knows all your history, everything that’s made you, well, you. Am I right?” I nod and try to find the words. “I mean, my mama’s been gone a long time, and my father was never a dad like you are. I wish he were deadlike Mary’s. He’s not a good man at all, and to me, he’s dead. I had hoped that I could still be in contact with my siblings, but my sister escaped so many years ago. I can’t even begin to guess where she is, and my brothers… well, one passed a few years ago, and the other believes the lies Joseph told. He’s still up there following Father’s lead. You’re right. I mean, Mary knows a lot, but still not everything I experienced growing up in that house. No one else will ever really know or understand. Even if I ever found my sister, she’s been gone so long and didn’t have to live with Father for very long without Mama. It’s like there are moments…” I don’t know the words I’m looking for, but Jackson speaks up. “It’s like you’re in a room full of people, great people, hell, people you know care about you…and yet… you feel like no one sees you because no one knows everything about you.”
“That’s exactly it! Does it ever go away?” He moves his hand back and forth. “It doesn’t ever completely go away, but it diminishes a shit ton. I mean, it’s been decades for me, and I can go weeks, hell, months, without feeling it, but every once in a while it sneaks up on me. When it does, I remind myself that I’ve got a family and life that’s so much better than I would’ve had if I were still surrounded by them. Yes, my mom was good, but she had faults, like staying with my drunk father when she could’ve gotten us away from him.” He glances over at me briefly before continuing. “I know I don’t know everything, but I’m thinking that is probably similar to your situation. But like me, you’re notalone now. If you couldn’t tell, my Anna has adopted you and Mary, which means you’re officially part of our family. If that’s not enough, I know both Linnea and Erik will have a special spot in their hearts for you, having been up that mountain themselves. Especially Linnea. She’s got a heart of gold that one.” He turns and pulls onto the street that I recognize as where Ma and Pa live. Jackson sighs. “I guess what I’m saying is I get that you might feel alone, especially because Mary is related by blood to Anna, but blood doesn’t make family, at least not in ours.” I nod at Jackson because I don’t know what to say, and also because I see Pa sitting on the porch watching us. “Well, howdy you two. To what do we owe this visit?”
Jackson answers him. “I wanted to talk to you about somethin’, and Christy here wanted to pick Linnea’s brain about maybe figuring out her actual last name.” Pa nods and looks at me. “Go on inside, sweetheart. She’s right inside.” I move to go into the house, and the last thing I hear outside is Pa. “Jackson, sit your ass down and start talkin’.”
Ma looks up as I close the door. “Well, isn’t this a nice surprise? To what do I owe this visit?” I feel totally awkward, but I know I just need to get it out. “Um…Jackson thought we could talk, and you might remember my parents and maybe their last name? Mama passed away so long ago I don’t remember, and Father is dead to me, so I’m never going to go see him to ask him.”
Ma’s face becomes angry. “Hell no, you’re not going up there again. Knowing the men up there, he wouldn’t give you the information you need, and he for sure as hell does not deserve to be in your company a minute longer. Come, child. Come have a seat, I’ll get us some tea, and we can talk. I’m not sure how much help I can be, but I’m more than happy to try and see what I can remember.” Ma puts the kettle on and gets our tea ready. I walk over to the table, tripping over my feet but catching myself before I crash into the table. I wait for Ma to comment on my klutziness. Yes, that’s the best word for it, but she doesn’t say anything.
A few minutes later, she sets a plate of cookies on the table and pours some hot water into each mug with a tea bag. She sits down and looks at me with warm eyes. “Okay, so tell me about your parents. I tried not to get close to anyone up there, but maybe something will click in my memory.”
We talk about my mama for a while, but nothing clicks for Ma. It’s not surprising because my mama was a few years younger and only arrived up the mountain a couple of months before everything happened with Ma. She looks at me and sighs. “Well, tell me about the fucking asshole that’s your father.” Tea shoots out of my nose at the same time a laugh comes out of my mouth. Ma pats my back, looking concerned, but I shake my head at her. Once I wipe my nose and get myself together, I smile ather. “I’ve never heard an adult call my father that. You’re totally right. It just surprised me.” Ma scoffs. “I’ve never met a man who followed Joseph to be anything other than a fucking bastard of an asshole who deserves nothing less than an eternity with Hel.” She’s not wrong at all.
“My father…he is an asshole. I was a disappointment to him from the moment I learned to walk and started tripping over my own two feet. Add in that I could never hold my tongue, and to him, I became a waste because Joseph didn’t like me. My father…he’s evil, but he didn’t do to me what Mary’s father—.” Ma stops me by putting her hand over me. “There are all kinds of abuse, just like there are all kinds of assholes. They’re all wrong.” I only nod because tears threaten to fall.
Ma leans back in her chair. “Pa and I were foster parents for dozens of kids over the years. Some for just a few nights, some for weeks or months, some for years, and some we were lucky enough to adopt. Every single child that came through our door had been exposed to some level of abuse. The loud ones are physical and sexual. The ones that are hardest to prove but do their own kind of damage are emotional abuse and neglect. I remember having a little girl come one night. She stayed for a few weeks before she was sent to a distant relative. I remember she was about six or seven. She told me, a few days into her stay, that she’d watched me with the other kids in the house, givingthem hugs all the time. She told me she didn’t remember ever getting a hug from anyone at home.” Ma is studying my face as she continues. “I may be off base, but I’m guessing you haven’t been hugged in a really long time. Maybe even well before your mama passed. Am I right?” The tears fall, and I don’t stop them. I can’t answer her with words, but I nod. She gives me a small smile and stands up. “Come here, child.” She opens her arms, and my feet move without thinking. In the next second, I’m in her arms, and she’s rubbing my back. I realize the last time I’ve had a hug was from Mama, and I was six. Father walked in and said she was coddling me and forbade Mama from hugging me again.
I stand in her arms for a while till my tears finally slow. I stand back and look up to her since she’s a good couple of inches, if not more, taller than me. She wipes my tears away with her thumbs. “I know I’m not your mama, but, child, you ever need a hug? You can come see me anytime. Fuck those assholes up there. They don’t know shit about anything, especially not raisin’ kids.” I just nod because what is there to say to that? She, Anna, Wyatt, Jackson, and Pa have shown me more kindness and love in a few days than I had my entire life up the mountain.
She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Now let’s get back to the subject of the man who contributed his DNA but not an ounce of sense or kindness to your life.” She puts the kettle back onto heat up more water. I sit back down and start listing things about my father that might be helpful. Ma gets us more tea and sits back down. “Does your father have any scars or marks on his face or hands?” I think for a minute. “His hands have a few from cuts and such over the years, but nothing different than any of the men besides Joseph up there have. He does have a scar on his face. He never once told me what it was from, but it’s been there for as long as I can remember. It goes from the edge of his mouth, almost all the way across his cheek. It’s not super big, almost like it was cut with a razor or something small, not a knife.” I watch as her eyes go big, like she knows what I’m talking about. She gets out her cell phone and hits a few buttons. I still don’t know how those things work since I’ve never had one, and the men only had flip phones on the mountain.
Ma holds the phone to her ear, and I hear it ring. Someone must answer, but she doesn’t let them speak. “Are you busy? Come over for a minute. I’ve been talking with Christy, tryin’ to help her figure out her legal last name and all that shit, and she just described her scum-sucking father. I think I might know who it is, but I want your opinion.” It must be her brother because he’s the only other one besides Mary, who knows anyone up there. Ma hangs up with him and types on her phone, which I now know means she’s texting someone. “Anna invited me to thesleepover. I think after what I’m gonna confirm, I think she and I need to teach you ladies about the wonder called the margarita.”
Not more than fifteen minutes pass when the door opens, Erik and Jackson come in. Pa sticks his head in the door and tells Ma, “I’m taking off to go run and check on him like we talked about.” Ma nods, and the door closes.
Jackson looks at the room. “Do I need to leave?” Ma shakes her head. “Nah, we’re not talking world secrets or anything. You two want some coffee? There’s still some in the pot.” Both of them quickly grab a cup and come sit down. Ma looks at me. “Tell Erik the description of his scar. I want to see what he thinks.” I tell him the same thing I told Ma not twenty minutes ago, and I watch his eyes get big. He looks over at Ma and Jackson. “I’m gonna need something fucking stronger than coffee.” I look at them, and my mouth, like always, moves before my brain catches up. “I’m not very school smart, but I can tell you both recognize that scar. Does that mean you know my father and maybe his real name?” Erik is the first to speak up. “Your father go by the name Peter?” I nod. Erik huffs. “I don’t know if I ever knew his last name, but his real first name is Dennis. He changed what he went by because he swore he was the first disciple of Joseph’s, which wasn’t true, but he claimed it the minute his family came up.” Ma makes a scoffing sound. “He had his nose so far up Joseph’s ass, he was determined to behis second in command and heir to everything. But seeing as he wasn’t at the meeting Anna and you girls interrupted, I’m guessing that’s not the case.”
I shake my head. “He’s always been in the inner circle since I can remember, but Mary’s father was definitely favored more. My father said I was one of the reasons for that. That I wasn’t a lady and didn’t know when to shut up, which reflected badly on him. He also didn’t have as many offspring as Joseph wanted, so that was a disappointment too.”
Ma and Erik both roll their eyes. Erik studies me for a moment before speaking. “His parents were big followers like our father, except our father let Mama keep us in school down here till we graduated. Your father moved up there early in high school, and he never came back down.”
Something he says must trigger something in Jackson because he speaks up. “Was he in our class?” Erik nods. “At least freshman year, and I think at least part of sophomore year. Why?” Jackson grins and shakes his head. “A couple of years ago, Hanna found out that the library in town has all the high school’s old yearbooks going back to the sixties. I’m thinking that might be a way to figure this shit out.”
Ma looks at her watch and then at me. “They’re still open for a while. I’m gonna get some things together, and we can goover there before heading over to Anna’s for girls’ night. Sound good?” I nod, and Erik speaks up. “I think Jackson and I will go with ya to the library. I figure more eyes and all, one of us should be able to find his ugly mug there.”
An hour later, we confirmed that my father’s real name was Dennis Clarkson. We didn’t find Mama in the yearbooks, but since Ma didn’t remember her, I wasn’t surprised. I don’t know exactly how knowing my father’s real name will help me, but Ma insisted it would. “I’ll let Max know. He’s got some contacts he’s reaching out to, so he can help you and Mary get identification so you can work, drive, and do all the things.”
