Page 152 of Gravehouse

He doesn’t blink. “No, you’re not.”

“I’m leaving.” I fold my arms, gripping my own elbows through the cardigan so my hands have somewhere to be. “And you’re going to let me go.”

“Mmm,” his eyes slide to the side before coming back to me. “Try again.”

“I’m not asking permission.” My throat aches around every word. “I’m telling you what’s happening.”

Even if it’s going to kill me to do it.

“You want space?” His eyes narrow, jaw flexing. “Fine. You can have the whole east wing of the house. Or shit, I’ll sleep in the car if it means you stay, but?—“

I shake my head. “It’s not about space.”

“Then what—Ivy?” His voice cracks.

Every second I stand here watching him fall apart tears me open too.

“Say it. Say the actual thing, Ivy, because I’ve been walking myself in circles wondering what the fuck else he put in that head of yours. What other memories you’ve been carrying that you didn’t know about before.”

“I—” The words scrape out. “I wanted to kill you, Asher.”

Tears build behind my eyes.

“And I felt fuckingnothing.Do you understand? I stood there and I wanted to be efficient. Because that’s what he built, and it’s still in me, and I’m fucking terrified that it will come back. That maybe Nonna’s trigger is only going to work until the next one. How do I know he didn’t put a thousand in my head, Asher!”

His expression remains blank. “I don’t care.”

“I know.” A laugh slips from my chest and I swipe the tears off my cheek. “Youdon’tcare. You’d let me be that forever if it meant I stayed within arm’s reach.”

He goes still.

“You’d take any version of me,” I whisper, looking into the eyes of a man so beautifully dark he tricked even me. “Programmed. Broken. Whatever scrap he left behind. I mean god, Ash! I don’t even know who this girl is!”

“Then find her next to me.”

“Asher—”

“I’ll wait.” His knuckles graze my cheek. “Fuck, Venom. I’ll wait outside whatever door you slam in my face. I don’t need you fixed because you’ll always be fucking perfect to me. You’re right to think I’d take any version of you, because I fucking would. A thousand times over I would?—“

“You lied to me.” The words leave me in a whisper. “Every single day since the second we met, you looked at me and you chose the lie. And I understand why. I do. But I can’t unknow it, and I can’t sleep next to it.”

His hand drops to his side, and I can see the fight still working in him, the part that wants to force my hand.

“Don’t do this.” His fingers flex at his side, and the Hellébore tightens against my throat when I swallow. A winter rose for the woman he decided would survive anything.

Just not him.

My heel slides back across the damp floor. One step. That’s all I can manage.

“It’s too late. But you can do one thing for me before I leave.”

His jaw tenses, reaching for my face before stopping.

“What?”

“You can give me the details of who killed Nonna. I’m guessing they came from Aléia, but I want the who.”

It takes everything inside of me to not fall apart.