Page 5 of Untamed Heart

I wasn’t sure what I’d done in a past life that karma had a personal vendetta against me, but whatever it was, it must have been pretty terrible.

“I can’t believe it either.” I blew a gust of air past my lips. “It wasn’t an easy decision. You understand that better than anyone.”

I counted myself lucky that Remy never resented me leaving when I did. She’d been younger, and leaving her behind was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I waited as long as I could, hoping to hold out until she was old enough so I could take her with me. I just couldn’t. It was a choice that ate at me every single day. I still carried around crippling guilt from that decision, even though she’d assured me a long time ago she never blamed me. That she always understood. As the oldest, Ihad it the worst. There had even been times when I stepped in to take the hits and kicks meant for my sister.

When she finally turned eighteen she’d done exactly what I did and took off. But where mountains were in my blood, the open sky and ocean was in hers. She’d settled in the Pacific Northwest. A small town called Whitecap. I’d visited several times over the years. It was breathtakingly beautiful but what I enjoyed most was seeing how my baby sister was thriving up there.

“I do understand.” My sister’s tone was awash with sympathy. “But I also understand that you don’t owe that man shit, not at the expense of your own mental health. And we both know going back there puts that at risk.”

That was the exact thing I’d told myself no less than a hundred times since the hospital in Tennessee called to inform me our father had suffered a massive heart attack and required surgery. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make the words stick.

“I know.” My hand dove into the to-go container of French fries sitting in my cup holder. They’d always been my favorite comfort food, and I’d needed them more than usual the past several days. “But he’s got no one else,” I garbled around a mouthful of fried potatoes.

My sister’s sigh carried through the line and filled the cab of my car. “How many fast food places have you stopped at for fries?”

“Uh...” I paused, another handful of fries on their way to my mouth. My eyes swept to the floorboard of the passenger seat to all the empty fry containers littering the space. “A few.” I shoved more fries into my mouth.

“You realize you’re going there because the old man had a heart attack, right? Do you really think all that sodium and grease is what you need right now?”

I swallowed as I gave that question some thought. “Point taken.” I dropped the fries I just picked up and dusted my salty fingers off on my jeans.

“You know I love you,” Remy continued, “but you take too much on your shoulders. He isn’t alone, Kota. He never has been. He’s got all thosebrothers.” She spit out that last word like it left an unpleasant taste in her mouth. “Wewere the ones who were alone.”

I knew all of that too. Even though my brain was behaving rationally, I was being ruled solely by emotion.

“I can’t explain why I’m doing this, Rem. I don’t know why. All I can tell you is when I got the call from the hospital, something inside told me I had to go see him. I haven’t spoken to the man in sixteen years, but he still listed me as his emergency contact. That has to mean something, right?”

“I don’t know.” Remy sighed. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.” Oh, if only she knew how ironic that statement was. “What does Adam think of all this?”

I was glad my sister wasn’t able to see my face pull into a wince at the sound of my ex’s name.

“Adam and I are done,” I said, my voice flat and emotionless. “We broke up.”

A phantom pain shot through my ribs, a reminder of the last time I saw him. I’d been lying on the floor of our bedroom, curled into a tight ball and holding my cracked ribs as he wiped my blood off his knuckles. He’d tossed the rag on the floor by my head, ordering: “Put that in the hamper where it belongs.” Those were the last words he said to me before turning and walking away like he didn’t have a care in the world.

I’d been in the process of cleaning myself up and wrapping my ribs—I’d gotten really good at it, having more than two decades of experience and all—when the call came in from the hospital. Something inside me said the timing wasn’t acoincidence. It almost felt like something was pulling me from Colorado, forcing me to realize it was time to get the hell out.

While he’d been out at the bar with his buddies “blowing off some steam” as he liked to say, blaming me for the mood he was in that caused him to raise his hands to me, I’d packed everything I had into two suitcases and gotten the hell out of there, bouncing from one roadside motel to the next as I tried to figure out what to do about my father.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

I let out a snort and rolled my eyes. “Oh please. No you aren’t. You sound like you’re about to choke on your excitement.” My sister never hid the fact that she didn’t care for my live-in boyfriend. The few times she’d come to visit, Adam hadn’t exactly been the most hospitable. He used the excuse that our place was too small for her to stay, so she had to put up the money for a hotel room. The situation could have easily been fixed by putting an air mattress or something temporary in the spare room he’d insisted on making his home office, but he wouldn’t hear it. Why a construction worker needed a home office was beyond me, and when I asked that very question he’d back handed me into silence.

He tried laying on the charm when she met us for dinner one night, but Remy saw through it. And the last time I visited her, he’d spent the entire trip blowing up my phone. He wasn’t a fan of me spending time with anyone other than him.

Her snicker carried through the line. “Can you blame me? The guy was crazy controlling.”

If she only knew how spot on that observation really was.

I never told her about the abuse. Not because I was afraid of how she’d react, but because I was ashamed. I left the only home I’d ever known—lefther—when I was still basically a kid. All for a shot at a better life. My sister always said she respected me for breaking the cycle and getting out when I did. I couldn’tstand the thought of her losing faith in me because I’d been weak enough to stumble right back into a situation like the very one I’d run from.

I was humiliated. I didn’t want to risk seeing the pity in her eyes when she discovered my life hadn’t actually gotten any better.

The burn of tears formed behind my eyes, and I did what I’d been doing for the past sixteen years to keep them at bay. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and bit down until the pain was nearly unbearable. After I walked away from everything and everyone I’d ever loved that night all those years ago, I swore I was done crying. I would never shed another tear for people who didn’t deserve it, people who’d broken not only my heart, butme. And I hadn’t shed a single tear in sixteen years. Not even after Adam had done his worst. I managed to train them away, only feeling that foreign burn once in a blue moon.

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t really matter anymore. Because we’re over.”

Silence crept through the line and crawled up my spine like spider legs, causing me to shiver. “Are you sure you’re okay, Kota?” My sister was too damn insightful, even from hundreds of miles away. “You know, you can talk to me about anything.”