Page 66 of Chasing Hope

Evie’s swallow is audible, far louder than her whispered, “Thank you.”

Frowning, I thrust it out to her. “Take it.”

Her eyes flick up to mine before darting back down to the camera her skin turning ashen.

“Dove?” I probe.

Shaking herself out of her stupor, her hands slowly reach for it. They’re trembling slightly.

“Should I not have?” I ask cautiously, confused.

We were talking about her photography on our most recenthike. She sounded like she still loved the hobby, but this reaction isn’t of a woman who loves photography. It looks like she’s being dragged to a death sentence.

“No, it’s okay, it’s just…I haven’t seen it in a long time.”

“When was the last time you used it?”

Evie clears her throat. “Eleven months ago.”

“That’s oddly specific.”

“I remember the last time I took film on it.”

“Maybe we could do another hike, a longer one this time. Not tomorrow but the day after?” She’s nodding her head but I’m worried she’s not actually hearing me. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to?—”

“No, I’d love to.” She pauses before placing the camera on the coffee table slowly as if it were a bomb. “I think I’ll go out and buy a new camera, though.”

My head rears back. “Why, is it broken?”

“No, I just…want a new one, I suppose.”

“I can buy you?—”

Evie’s hand snatches out to squeeze mine gently. “You’ve done more than enough for me, Matteo. It’s okay, I can get myself a new one.” She quickly shrugs. “I wouldn’t mind being the one to pick it out this time.”

“Oh that’s right. This one was a gift, wasn’t it?”

She nods. Lightning illuminates the apartment, and that’s when I see the tears pooling in her eyes.

I thought I was doing the right thing, thought the camera would cheer her up. I never would have given it to her if I knew she was going to retreat.

Sirens blare on the streets below, filling the silence stretching between us.

“Given any more thought to becoming a dispatcher?” I ask, clinging to anything that will pull her away from the darkness swallowing her whole.

“Yes,” she breathes, pushing the camera away and out of sight. “It sounds horrible but I just need…”

“Time?” Ioffer.

Her gaze lifts to mine as she nods slowly. “Just a few days to allow myself to feel.”

“You’re going through a lot of life changes. It’s okay to take time.”

Leaning back, she offers me a small smile. “I’m done wallowing. I want to move on with my life.”

“You think you’re ready?” I ask.

“I have to be. I’m tired of feeling this way.”