Page 28 of Chasing Hope

Taking a seat, Matteo makes himself comfortable, his eyes remaining glued on the lake. I sit beside him, propping my bag up behind me so I have something to lean on as I let my mind travel down the rabbit hole.

No matter how sad or angry I get at the situation, it won’t affect him. It won’t give me the justice I so desperately deserve. And when I wake to the memories of his head above mine in the dark, no amount of anger will kill him, either.

I fantasize daily about getting a call that he was in a freak accident. That might sound morbid and make someone’s moral heart twist in discomfort, but it would make everything so much easier. It would take the decision out of my hands and I wouldn’t have to face a reality that crushes my soul.

Yet no amount of wishing is working. All it’s doing is slowly killingme.

He’s taken enough of me. He doesn’t deserve to take my sanity too.

“I don’t know where to begin,” I say honestly, my thoughts spinning a mile a minute. “I need to find a job, a new place to live. I don’t even know if I want to keep working in finance.”

“It never suited you.”

I hum in agreement. “It didn’t, did it?”

His nose wrinkles, and it’s the most adorable sight. “Too stuffy and stuck up for your personality.”

The lake seems to be pulling all my secrets from me. At least, that’s what I tell myself as I shrug and confess, “Math has always come easy to me, but just because it’s easy doesn’t mean I was passionate about it.” In fact, I despised my job. I felt like a hamster running on a wheel, being told when to get on and off, what speed to sprint at.

“Well, to make things easier, I think it’s best you stay with Caleb and me. There’s already so much change happening in your life, you don’t need the added stress of trying to move again.”

“That’s true. I wouldn’t want to move in with roommates again anyway and I can’t get a place on my own without a job.” I let the sight of the lake calm the anxiety in me as the long list of everything I have to tackle piles up. “I have no idea what career path I want to pursue, though.”

Leaning back on his elbows, Matteo says, “We can break it down. Do you want to work for a paycheck or for passion?”

I turn my head to the side, the lake disappearing as I’m sucked into the forest of his eyes. “That’s a good starting point and question.”

The corner of his lip tugs upwards into a lopsided grin. “Haven’t you heard? I’m full of wisdom.”

Asthatlook enters his gaze, I distract myself quickly from the warmth pooling in my belly by grabbing a leaf beside me and tearing it into small pieces. “I’d say passion. I worked for a paycheck for over four years and it wasn’t fulfilling. I want to feel like the work I do leaves an impact. I want to help people.” Blowing out a frustrated sigh, I throw some of the pieces of theleaf into the wind. “Fuck, maybe I got the wrong degree in college.”

“There’s plenty of jobs you could do that don’t require a four-year degree.”

“Like what?”

Matteo’s lips purse slightly. He shifts, hanging his arms over his knees, the sun shining along his gorgeous bronze skin. “You could get certifications and become a support worker.”

“That’s a great option. Keep brainstorming, wise old man.”

That has him frowning. “I’m only two years older than you.”

“Still old,” I sing-song.

“Youth worker?”

“Also a good contender.” Biting my lower lip, I glance at Matteo, only to find his eyes already on me—more precisely, on my lip between my teeth. “I want to help as many people as I can, though. Not just a limited amount of people or a certain demographic.” Snapping upright, I click my fingers, a smile blossoming. “A dispatch caller!”

Matteo’s brows rise. “That certainly will help all kinds of people.”

“I’m great in a crisis—” I hold up a finger at the look on his face. “That isn’t my own. My problems right now shouldn’t be in the equation.”

What I’m going through right now is different. My memories have forced me to come to terms with a completely alternative reality. I don’t blame my mind for wanting to switch off for a short period of time.

“Dove, do you really think you could handle such a high-stress job?”

I arch a brow. “Rude, but yes. It’s not the same but my job before was high pressure. I was managing people’s money and not little amounts either. One wrong move and millions could be flushed down the toilet.” The more I think about it, the more determination sets in. “I’d love to help people. To try and bring as much calm to a chaotic situation as I can, to be a gentle and kind voice during someone’s worst day of their life.”

Matteo watches me with a spark in his eyes. “I think you’vefound what you want to do, Dove.” He lowers his voice, his gaze growing serious. “And for the record, I do believe you can do it. I think you’ll make a great dispatcher.”