Page 224 of Chasing Hope

“God no. She decimated our relationship the day she told me she didn’t believe me. Everything after was just more nails in her coffin.”

“What about Caleb?”

Blowing out a shaky breath, I confess, “He’s struggling. I can’t ever see him speaking to either of them again.”

Sarah shakes her head. “Did she really not know?”

“I don’t think so, but if she did, she showed exactly what she would’ve done by burying her head in the sand.”

Sarah and I are walking again when she asks, “What do you think will happen to her? Everyone knows what side she stood on.”

I shrug. “I don’t wish any harm on her but the days of me caring about the outcome of her life died the day she chose him over me.”

Sarah nods, tucking a lock of her brown hair behind her ear. “I don’t blame you,” she says softly. “I’d feel the same.”

Taking a deep breath, I look at Sarah—really look at her. Forthe first time, I notice the bags under her eyes, the way her clothes seem a little too big on her, the way she picks at the skin around her nails.

I’m not the only one suffering.

“Sounds stupid to ask but…how are you doing?”

“It’s not stupid.” She sucks in a sharp inhale, only to let it all out in a rush. “Not the best. I suppose you have questions for me?”

“A lot, but I just don’t know where to start…”

Sarah wraps her arms around herself, her eyes getting a faraway glaze in them, and it makes me wonder if mine do the same, if this is the look Matteo searches for. “I do want to apologize…for what I did to you. We were so young, Evie, but you were my best friend for years and I just…disappeared. No word, no explanation, there one day and gone the next. That was horrible of me.”

“I’d be lying if I said that didn’t crush me at the time but I understand now, Sarah. It makes sense and I will never blame you for how you handled it. I’d hate me too if I were in your situation.”

Sarah comes to a stop, not able to meet my eye as she says quietly, “That’s the thing. I didn’t hate you, Evie. I wanted nothing more than to talk to you but he…he threatened me…after. Said I couldn’t be your friend, that if I came back to the house, he’d be too tempted to…” Her voice trails off as tears fill her eyes, but in an act of sheer determination, she straightens herself up, chin lifting and lids blinking as she all but refuses to let another tear drop. “I was far too scared of going through that again. It would have broken me, and I couldn’t handle it. I’m just so sorry that you were the catalyst in it all.”

I wish I was as strong as Sarah, wish I could pull myself together, but all I can focus on is the fact that he took so much from me. Isolated me, threatened me, harmed my friends, took my best friend away from me when I was going through the worst thing to ever happen to me. She offered little moments of comfort, peace, and normalcy during a period where I was drowning.

“W-when did it happen?”

Sarah’s body locks up slightly, tensing at the sheer mention of it. “The last time I slept over at your house. It was a Saturday night, the weekend before the Fourth of July.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she says sadly. “Me too. You…I only had to endure it once.”

She doesn’t say anything after that, doesn’t need to. Just because I endured it more often doesn’t take away her pain or the other girls’. It just…makes it sad.

“Do you truly not blame me?” I ask, cocking my head as I study her.

To my surprise, I don’t see anything but sincerity as she shakes her head. “Not a single part of me. Even back then I knew it wasn’t your fault. I was just so scared, Evie. He said he’d kill Humphry if I told anyone.”

I can’t help but gasp at that. Humphry was Sarah’s family pet, a brown Labrador and the cutest guy I had ever seen. He’d come over and stay with us during sleepovers all the time; he made me feel so safe.

Anger swells within me. “He threatened Caleb and my mom…then Matteo.”

“He’s good at his threats.”

“He was terrifying,” I say numbly.

We fall quiet after that, staring off into the distance of the park, Matteo and Caleb somewhere near watching our every movement and probably wondering what was just said to shut us both down.

“Some of us have created a support network. Some of the girls from…” Sarah clears her throat. “You should come. We’re going to do our first meet-up next week. I think it would help us all a lot.”