Page 223 of Chasing Hope

The truth I deserve to hear.

Stopping before her, we stare at each other until I break the tension with a small, “Hi.”

Her smile is sad as she parrots, “Hi.”

“Want to walk across the street to the park?”

She seems to sigh in relief. “I’d love that.”

Due to the press lingering at the front of the building, Sarah, Caleb, Matteo, Kieran, and I head out the back exit of the building, bypassing all the nosey reporters along the way.

It’s an entirely silent walk, equally heavy and light, the two contradictions confusing my poor heart. It isn’t until we step through the park, the birds chirping and the noise of the city fading, do Caleb and Matteo leave Sarah and I to it. Kieran separated with us at the courthouse to track down some food.

It takes one lap around the park before either of us speaks, and I’m ashamed to admit I’m a coward and that it isn’t me.

“I saw your mom sitting behind him in court today.”

The statement hangs heavily between us, the weight of it crushing my chest.

Nodding, I look down at my shoes as our leisurely pace slows. “That was Serena.”

Sarah’s steps seem to stutter before she falls into a comfortable rhythm with me once more. “I saw her standing by his side during the interviews, but I didn’t think once everyone came forward and the proof was presented that she’d still be behind him.”

Lifting my head, I squint at the blazing sun, my nose wrinkling. “I told her months before all of this came out. No matter how many times I pleaded with her to believe me, she didn’t change her mind. I had hope that she would come around, but…”

“I’m sorry, Evie.” She takes a deep breath. “I know how hard everything has been for me, so I couldn’t even imagine being in your shoes. My mom has been my biggest supporter through all this. I don’t know how I’d be functioning without her.”

My throat tightens, threatening to swallow all of my words before they have a chance to get out. “I don’t know where to start. I heard you wanted to talk…I just…” Coming to a stop, I find I don’t have the energy to move any longer, not as my vision blurs with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry,” I gasp out. “When I saw your name on the list…the amount of guilt?—”

Sarah steps forward with her own tears, her hands clinging to my forearms as she shakes her head vehemently. “No, don’t take on his guilt. It’s not yours to carry, Evie.”

“But it never would have happened if we weren’t friends.” Sniffling, I continue to choke on my words. “It never should have happened.”

“No, it shouldn’t have, but that’s not your fault, Evie. None of it was.”

“I’d hate me if I were you,” I heave around a sob. “I wouldn’t blame you if you do.”

Sarah blurs before me to the point where she’s just a mere blob. Stepping even closer, she reaches out and wipes away my tears, but the movement only makes them fall faster.

“I should be consoling you. It was my—” I can’t say it, can’t say the wordfather.

Not anymore.

Never again.

He should only be known as a monster.

“Evie, no one blames you, honey. We all know who the real culprit is. All of us.”

I try to get a handle on my emotions, try to control the tsunami that wants to flood my entire system. Sniffling, I pull back, wiping under my eyes and not daring to speak until I feel like I can without bursting into a puddle of tears.

“I don’t think you understand how much it means to me to hear you say that.”

“Is that why you haven’t spoken to anyone?” she asks.

Unable to form the word, I just nod, until a derisive snort escapes me as I throw my hand in the direction of the courtroom. “Especially considering everything online. Everything he said and Serena too.”

“Do you think you could ever forgive her?”