Page 213 of Chasing Hope
Again, he’s speaking in that matter-of-fact tone, yet the words aren’t penetrating my brain. They can’t grasp onto my heart because it’s beating too wildly for them to find purchase.
“I-I…that’s…how do you know?”
My mind iswhirling.
“Girls from your little league soccer team. Some of the women saw the news and reached out to Caleb’s PR team trying to get a hold of you.”
Shaking my head, a tidal wave of emotions rise, more hurt threatening to take me under. “But he coached soccer for seven-year-olds. They…they were?—”
“Young,” he finishes for me. “Very,veryyoung. Like you were.”
My face goes numb, my skin tingling. “I think I might pass out,” I say weakly, my legs turning to Jell-O. Kieran rushes forward, grabbing my forearm to help me sit on a nearby fallen log.
I’m thankful for it because my head isn’t the only thing spinning anymore. My body sways with the revelation.
“How many?” I manage to whisper brokenly after some time has passed.
Sitting beside me, Kieran’s voice grows soft. “So far? Thirteen.”
My head snaps up at the number. “Thirteen?” I hear myself shriek.
“He coached for years, Evie. I think this is just the beginning, and I think your strength in speaking up is going to get justice for so many people.”
Shaking my head, I stand, not wanting to sit any longer, physically not able to as something begins to coarse through my veins. An odd sticky sensation that I can’t shake despite how much I pace.
I feel disgusting. I feel used. I feel…
Turning to the side, I hurl. Kieran’s gentle hands sweep my hair into a ponytail as he rubs soothing circles on my back.
Once I’m done, I stay slightly bent, trying to spit the taste of vomit out of my mouth before straightening and wiping my lips with the back of my hand. “Why did you want to tell me without Matteo around?”
“Because if it were me, I’d want no one around when I screamed.”
Our eyes lock and hold, his story coming to my mind, the utter devastation that was consuming him as he told me his darkest secret, a secret that I’ll take to my grave.
“I would want to know so I could fall apart before standing up and deciding enough is enough and fight.” Kieran pauses, his swallow audible. “I would want to let the anger consume me enough to help me get through what is undoubtedly going to be the hardest thing I ever face and silencehim, because that’s who deserves to be silenced. Not you, Evie.Neveryou, or all the girls he hurt.”
Kieran takes a step forward. “Caleb and Matteo won’t push you. They won’t want to force you to do it.”
“So why are you?”
“Because I regret never going after my monster. I regret never speaking up. I regret not trying as hard as you did. I regret letting him get away and I don’t want to watch that same regret eat away at you.” His eyes flick back and forth, searching mine as he adds softly, “So let yourself break. Let yourself lean on us, but get that anger surging enough to fight.”
Despite the bone-deep tiredness consuming me, Ican feel the injustice of it all, can hear the little girl he hurt within me screaming beyond the door I keep her locked behind.
So standing in the middle of the forest with Kieran’s words ringing through my mind, I open the door for her and step aside. As tears run down my cheeks, I part my lips and scream. I scream for everything that was taken from not only me, but from every other girl.
Chapter 61
Matteo
*236 Unread Text Messages*
You’d think I’d burn a hole in the soles of my shoes with the amount of pacing I’ve been doing. I haven’t stopped moving since the moment I watched Evie and Kieran walk into the woods. My beautiful Dove’s feet as slow as ever, her shoulders heavy, her eyes dull, as if someone had stepped into her ocean and ripped the lifeforce from it.
Caleb, unlike me, hasn’t moved an inch.
A few times I’ve had to check his chest to make sure he’s still breathing.
