Page 211 of Chasing Hope

It’s unfair, the injustice of it all threatening to swallow me whole.

Didn’t I suffer enough?

I want to scream at the sky and ask why. Why am I going through this? Why me? Why now? Why this much pain? What did I ever do that was so bad to deserve this punishment?

Why, why, why?

The front door of the cabin opening forces my eyelids open. It’s sometime in the afternoon. I’ve slept nearly the entire day away on the couch, only waking for short moments here and there when Matteo would check on my wellbeing.

But it isn’t Matteo standing in front of the couch with a sad smile.

“Hey, little E.”

I attempt to smile but fail miserably. “Ashford. A pleasure as always,” I croak out.

He snorts out a laugh. “I see you still have some of your humor.”

Dragging myself up into a seated position, I try to flatten my bedhead before giving up. Even my limbs are too tired despite catching up on sleep. “If I didn’t have it, I’d have nothing.”

“You’ve still got fuel in the tank, Evie. You’ve got this.”

“Do I?” I ask, my dead eyes lifting to his.

Kieran Ashford is known for reading people. He can take one look at you and see into your soul. I’m curious if mine still exists because I feel empty on the inside.

Sliding his hands in his pockets, he implores me with his eyes as he says, “Yes you do. You just have to keep going.”

“For how long?” I ask, my tongue sharpening as a spark ofanger surges. “Until he does another interview outside the house he assaulted me in and say he would never touch me? Until page six splashes my face across their tabloids with their headlines telling everyone and anyone whatallegedlyhappened to me? Or should I wait for another hundred thousand people on the internet to call me a liar or ask what I was wearing to tempt my father or call me a slut who deserved it? Should I keep going, Kieran, or is that enough of a picture for you?”

My chest is heaving by the time I’m done. A tendril of guilt slithers through my heart but it’s swallowed whole by the dark void that’s taken up residence inside me.

I expect to see hurt flash across his eyes, but instead, all he does is cock his head toward the front door. “Come take a walk with me.” My brows pull down into a frown before I can smooth it out. I’m about to refuse and he can see that. “Please,” he adds.

Hanging suspended, I stare at Matteo and Caleb’s close friend, someone who I’ve trusted for years despite his old cocky ways.

Sighing, I stand. “I suppose it’s time to get fresh air.”

Kieran smirks. “So stubborn.”

“Have you met my brother?”

“Two peas in a pod,” he says as he opens the cabin door for me.

Squinting at the bright sun shining through the canopy of trees, I step off the front steps, my feet crunching branches. I set off beside Kieran, hating that he was right and that a little bit of the anger is loosening, my muscles seeming to sigh the longer we walk.

Kieran’s silent for what feels like half an hour, the sun dropping lower our only tell of time. I can feel his gaze slide my way every now and then, as if he’s assessing, waiting for the right time to speak. Which he will; he wants to say something. He didn’t drive all this way just to go for a walk with me.

“Want to spit it out, Kieran?”

Pursing his lips, he comes to a stop. “I’m just not entirely sure how to start this conversation.”

That’s not what I was expecting.

Watching him closer than I was, it’s now that I realize that perhaps he wasn’t assessing me after all. Kieran can’t look me in the eye. My heart sinks at seeing his usual confident self stand before me with such nerves.

I can’t help but take a step back. “What is it, Kieran?”

He blows out a breath before putting his hands on his hips. “I just want you to know…you’re not alone, Evie. You may feel it, and it’s fucking horrendous what’s happening online, what they’re saying on the news. My heart breaks for you, but you are not alone. I don’t want to see him win. I don’t want this to be the thing that destroys you.”