Page 188 of Chasing Hope

happy birthday sexy, can’t wait for tonight x

TRISTAN

happy birthday! your present is me wrangling Angel tonight, you’re welcome

KALANI

so excited to see you! Happy birthday beautiful!

ASHER O’CONNOR

congratulationson aging!!!!

LOGAN JOHNSON

happy b-day

HUDSON MITCHEL

happy birthday mini E!!!!

JACK LEWIS

MINI ELLINGTON HAPPY BIRTHDAY

THEO IRVING

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I dropped coffee and a cake off at the door

Due to the IceHawks’s schedule, Matteo’s birthday surprise for me will happen tomorrow—a lake day with a private charter with all my favorite people, jet skis, and paddleboarding. AKA, everything I love. It was beyond sweet, the perfect present.

Matteo had immense guilt around his training schedule, about how it took him away from me for most of my birthday. I, on the other hand, was immensely relieved that I didn’t have to pretend I wasn’t sad for the whole day.

After Matteo left for practice, I couldn’t move off the couch. Despite the ideas my mind conjured up to distract myself, and no matter how much I wanted to do them, I was utterly paralyzed.

It’s the first birthday I’ve had with my memories…and I don’t think I can ever celebrate a birthday the same again or conjure up the same excitement. The parties I would throw, the shopping sprees—it’s all tainted now. All of it.

Because all I can think about is that for over thirteen birthdays, I was brutally raped.

No matter how much I tried to pull myself out of despair today, it wasn’t happening.

So here I am, rounding the corner of the boardwalk with Matteo’s hand in mine, using every ounce of energy I can muster to paste a smile on my face as we walk toward the restaurant.

He gives my hand a squeeze, smiling down at me. He knows me well, knows that I’m struggling, but I can’t tell him why. Can’t remind him of my eighth birthday. Not only would he beswallowed with guilt that he walked back up those stairs, he would know who hurt me.

And I can’t have that getting out.

Something loosens in my chest as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and tucks me into his warmth.

That is, until my body knows something I don’t.

My intuitionscreamsat me to run, that voice that had been begging me not to go tonight rearing its head as the restaurant comes into view. I’ve tried to shake the feeling off all afternoon, and yet as I walk closer, spotting Caleb reluctantly waiting for us so he can say hello and not be an ass for at least one night, I feel like I’m heading toward a sentencing.

My hand begins to shake in Matteo’s grasp, my two-piece set also quivering as my legs turn to jelly. I must not be hiding my anxiety as well as I had hoped because Caleb frowns, his gaze ping-ponging back and forth between Matteo and me.

“Dove?” Matteo asks, slowing his steps.

Peeking up at him, I swallow. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”