Page 186 of Chasing Hope

Good!I want to say. I hate his touches, I hate his voice, I hatehim.

Especially today. I was having so much fun with Maddie and Sarah. I felt normal. I felt like every other little girl who has sleepovers and doesn’t have bad monsters sneak into their room.

I just want one birthday…onebirthday where he doesn’t come for me.

What did I ever do to deserve this?

Did I do something so awful that as punishment I have to suffer through his body pinning mine down?

I wish I knew what I did. I wish I knew why I deserved it. I wish I knew because I’d do anything to reverse it.

Without another word the hand on my shoulder begins to steer me toward the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. My knees give way as he pushes me forward, tears spilling down my cheeks as true terror clutches me. I know what’s about to happen, know what I’m going to be forced to do, and I hate it.

I hate it!

Please, no. Please, no.

Please, someone stop?—

“Evie?”

The monster and I freeze. Matteo is at the top of the stairs, blinking down at me.

Relief floods my body so much the monster behind me has to stop me from falling to my knees.

“Go to bed,” the monster snaps.

But Matteo—oh my Matteo—he just looks at me, and I beg for help. Not with my words, I could never, but I beg him with my eyes, plead with him to stop this in any way.

Matteo looks from me to the monster as he walks down the stairs, perplexed. “What’s going on?”

“None of your business, boy. Go back to bed.”

Matteo flinches at his tone. No one hears it except for me. To everyone else he’s an angel, but really, he’s the devil in disguise.

“B-but she’s crying.”

The monster must see the worry in his eyes, must hear the concern in his voice, because he softens into that buttery-sweet person he reserves for everyone except me.

“It’s okay, Matteo. One of the girls hurt her feelings, I’m just sorting it out. She’s all right, see?” He cups my chin and tilts my head to look up at him, and I get a flash of his tight smile and gritted teeth as he says, “Isn’t that right, Evie?”

A fresh wave of tears fills my eyes. I know what that look means.

A memory resurfaces. The night I tried to run, the night I tried to scream—the night I tried to tell my mom. He dragged me by my neck back to my room, threw me clear across the room, and promised to slit her throat from ear to ear if I ever told her.

Dead girls can’t help you, can they, Evie?he said.

Swallowing thickly, I turn to Matteo, hating with every fiber of my being as I nod.

I can’t lie to him, still can’t speak even if I wanted to. I’m too scared.

Even as I beg with my eyes for him not to leave me alone.

“Go to bed, Matteo,” the monster pleads.

Hetakes one step toward me before I’m jumping out of my skin a second time as the monster barks behind me, “Go to bed, boy!”

Matteo’s eyes fill with silver as they snap to the monster’s face, his bottom lip wobbling as he murmurs, “Please don’t make me leave her when she’s upset. Maybe I can calm her?—”