Page 177 of Chasing Hope

The day I met Caleb in school was the day I was saved and it’s fucking killing me what’s happening. That he’s still not speaking to me, that he won’t even look at me. I may have gotten my wish that Evie and I are together, but I feel like I lost a part of my soul in the process.

It’s the one thing I feel I can’t talk to Evie about. I don’t want her to feel pressured into telling Caleb, but that’s why he’s staying away. He can tell that Evie is holding back on him, so he’s doing the same.

It’s childish, and if he knew what she was hiding he’d hate himself for it, but that’s just the thing—he has no idea how serious her secret is.

Coming up for air, I look into the eyes of the woman that hasalways been there for me, that is trying to stitch me back together, that’s trying to help me be whole without my parents, that’s trying to help me fill the void with the love that shines between us. Because that’s what this has always been.

Love.

“Thank you for hearing me out,” I say once I feel like I can talk past the overwhelming emotions.

Evie smiles down at me before leaning forward and giving me a kiss. “Thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry, Matteo. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, Dove,” I say, for so many reasons.

For not being there to stop it when she was younger.

For hiding that I’m devastated that Caleb doesn’t know what I do.

For being heartbroken over our childhoods that were stolen and tainted.

Placing our foreheads against one another, we stay there, connected like never before.

I want to tell her, want to pour my heart out and scream it from the rooftops, explain how I’ve been in love with her even before I knew what love was. I had this heady sensation flooding my chest since we were little, and now, it’s just grown and evolved. I could nevernothave her in my life.

This is it for me.

Sheis it for me.

Evie is the one—the one I have always wanted, the one that I will forever cherish, the one to make me smile, the one to be there when I cry, the one to let me have every emotion I feel.

Evie Ellington is the woman I love with my entire heart and soul.

And I want to tell her. So fucking badly.

The words are on my tongue but I force them down.

I want it to be a special moment when I tell her, not on the heels of an emotional purge. I want her to know that I’m sure, that I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, that I mean the words I say and that they weren’t blurted out on a whim.

Because Evie deserves it. She deserves her fairytale ending, and I’ll be that for her no matter what I have to do.

Yet looking into her eyes, something changes between us, charges, the electricity that seems to connect our hearts turning up the dial.

Our breathing falls into sync like everything else. Evie swallows, her eyes taking in every detail they can. I do the same and find that I can’t stop myself from saying, “It’s always been you, Evie. It’s why I could never date anyone else. My heart has always belonged to you.”

Her breathing hitches as the city lights illuminate her back, making her appear like a glowing angel with a halo around her head.

“My heart has always beat for you,” she whispers, heat entering her gaze, a look of hunger that’s been building for weeks, perhaps even years between us.

Lifting my hands, I place them on her thighs, rubbing my thumbs back and forth. Her own hands land gently on my stomach, the move making my muscles bunch and jump.

Both of our touches are slow, exploratory, and yet we’re still holding back.

I know why I am and I can guess why Evie is, too. She wants me to lead, but I need her to know she’s in control, that we’re going at her pace. It’s the most important thing to me that she knows she’s safe.

Her fingers slowly travel beneath my shirt. The moment her skin is on mine I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from groaning. My dick is hard, painfully so, and I know she can feel me between her thighs.

Her breathing is labored, her hands slowly inching up my chest, tracing the lines of my muscles, the curve of my waist.