Page 164 of Chasing Hope

His words are like acid down my throat.

He has no idea how close he’s hit the nail on the head, but it’s the wrong secret he’s upset about.

Before I can speak though, he keeps going. “Second of all, that’s not embarrassing, Evie. How could your feelings ever be embarrassing?” He looks genuinely gutted. “I thought we were closer than that. I thought we told each other everything, and here you are keeping such a huge thing from me.”

Guilt slams into me, and now I’m the one looking away.

His voice cracks. “Are we not that close?”

The hurt lacing his words sends a dagger through my heart. If he ever found out I told Matteo and not him, it would genuinely break him.

“We are,” I say, but it doesn’t hold any conviction.

He sees straight through my guilt. “Right,” he says dryly.

Lifting my gaze to his, to the mirror of my own eyes, I plead, “Can we try and repair this?”

After a beat, he clears his throat. “I need more time, and clearly you do too. I know you’re not being truthful with me.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I lie—and it tastes fucking disgusting on my tongue.

“Yes, you do,” he says pointedly. “I know it wasn’t just a crush on Matteo keeping you away from the family for a year, and it wasn’t just Carter being a dick either. I’m not an idiot, Evie, but I am sad that you feel like you can’t trust me.”

“I know I can trust you.”

He arches a brow. “Really? Then why can’t you tell me what you’re hiding?”

Biting the inside of my cheek to try to stop myself from crying, I lamely shrug my shoulders. Because what else do I do? What can I say? He isn’t wrong that I’ve been avoiding him. I don’t want to keep lying to him, but I also can’t share it with him.

It would destroy everything.

He flinches as if I hit him. I’ve never felt so disconnected from my brother before.

“Please,” I beg.

But Caleb just shakes his head. “How can we repair our relationship when I know you’re still keeping something from me? I can feel it, Evie, and it’s driving me insane,” he says gutturally. “I thought we were closer than this.”

“We are, Caleb, I promise?—”

“Don’t lie!” he snaps. His raised tone makes me flinch. As I quickly get to my feet, Caleb sighs. “Fuck, Evie, I’m sorry. It’s just, emotions are high and?—”

Tap. Tap.

There’s a knock at the door saving me from seeing my brother look at me like I’ve broken something valuable.

Perhaps I have.

Swallowing thickly, I whisper, “I’ll give you your time. Just please, stop punishing Matteo.”

My steps are clipped, every nerve frayed, because Caleb is right—I’mkeeping secrets, andI’mthe one tearing us all apart, and the guilt is fuckingeating me alive.

There’s tears lining my eyes despite my best efforts to keep it together, but as I open the door, I’m met with my own personal hell.

My mom stands on the other side, clutching her Chanel purse. “Oh, Evie!” She blinks her shock away. “Good, I’m glad you’re here. I want to?—”

Disgust rolls through me, nausea mingling with the tidal wave of emotions from the discourse between my brother and me.

Rushing past her, I shake my head. “Don’t say anotherfucking word to me,” I sneer with such venom it surprises even me. My temper flares, alive and well as the words she said to me the last time I saw her hound my brain again.