Page 162 of Chasing Hope

Caleb appears not far behind her, two empty Slurpee cups in his hands. “If you can’t handle what you serve don’t dish it.”

All Sarah does is groan before diving into the water, washing the soda off her skin. Joining my best friend, we swim into the middle of the lake under the guise of being mad at the boys and gossiping about them. Which isn’t totally a lie.

The moment we’re out of earshot, I tell Sarah about the moment between Matteo and me. No detail goes unsaid, because nothing feels as good as telling your best friend about the boy you’ve had a crush on since you were a little girl.

But that was the last day I spoke about my crush on Matteo.

Because it was the second to last time our friendship was normal.

After that summer, Sarah returned to school and never spoke to me again.

She couldn’t even look me in the eyes.

Chapter 48

Evie

UNKNOWN

your birthday is coming up

how do you want to celebrate?

at the house?

hello???

Evie my dear, this has gone on long enough

please answer me

Matteo has always been an introspective person, one with walls built around his heart and mind, never letting anyone get close enough to gaze through the window of his soul—until me.

He demolished it for me, the rubble giving way to show the boy I fell in love with as a little girl.

So it guts me to see him shut down like this.

To the eye of anyone else, he probably appears like his usual quiet self. But I know how deep he is in his head, how he’s crawled into a trench of rumination and hatred about the situation.

Nothing I’ve said or done has been able to pull him out of his guilt.

And in turn, my guilt has only grown tenfold.

I know that keeping this secret from Caleb is killing him, that not being able to do anything about it but respect my wishes is difficult. Matteo has always protected me, has always done what he believes is right for me.

And while Matteo is trying to juggle his feelings, my own, and the guilt of keeping such a big thing from his best friend, my stupidly pig-headed brother is holding a grudge against him because he saw us kissing in an elevator.

In Caleb’s defense, I understand why he’s hurt—he feels betrayed and like we snuck around behind his back, but I think enough time has passed now that we should talk. Because if my brother wanted the best for me, he would at least have heard me out. I’d hoped that he would at least be happy for me because…it’s Matteo.

I tried calling Caleb last night after the game and, low and behold, he declined all my calls.

Hence why I’m now standing at Irving’s door unceremoniously pounding my fist against it.

I’m relentless until it flies open, Irving standing there shirtless with a towel wrapped around his hips. Leaning his arm against the frame, his puppy dog eyes light up. “Mini Ellington! What brings you to my door?”

“Hey, Irving. Is Caleb here?”

“Not for her,” I hear my brother call out.