Page 151 of Chasing Hope

I will remember it all.

And I will be living in my own hell every single day as his face and the memory of everything he did haunts me.

It will ruin my relationships, it will steal my sleep, it will make being touched impossible, it will make me resent my boyfriend, it will make me fail at my job because every time I come across a sound or smell or a face that is similar to his, I will see him above me, seemingly floating in the darkness as he told me to shut up and be a good little girl and take it.

I will hear his voice grunt in my ear and have to physically shake myself to rid the memory.

I will feel his touch along my skin and have to burn myself under scalding water to make it go away.

I will feel physically ill at the sound of his name.

It will eat me alive, day by day, and I won’t be able to do anything about it.

Because I was raped.

I was three years old when it started, and it didn’t stop until I was nearly fourteen.

I was a child who was raped by a man she was meant to be able to trust, by a man my family welcomed into their home with open arms.

I was raped and I remember how much he stole from me.

And I will never be the same again since remembering everything he took from me, leaving me battered and broken.

Chapter 45

Matteo

MATTEO

let me know when you’re done and I’ll come pick you up

thinking of you Dove

you’re so strong, you’ve got this

DOVE

Thank you for the offer but I’m going to walk back

MATTEO

that’s over an hour away

DOVE

I need it

I need to be alone and clear my head

MATTEO

just say the word and I’ll be right there

DOVE

I know, thank you

My pacing has made a track mark in the carpet.