Page 149 of Chasing Hope

I was raped.

I was raped.

I’m a broken doll stuck in time with a record playing on a loop in my mind.

Carter is worried, I can see it in his gaze.Wait, when did the mask get removed? Did he take it off or me? Why can’t I remember?Carter maneuvers my body for me, lays a blanket over me to cover me up, and now concealed, I’m suddenly able to breathe.

Pulling in a deep gasping breath, I sit up.

But my mind is still stuck inthatplace.

Wet droplets land on my hand. Peering down, I see water on my fingers.

Am I crying?

I was raped.

I was raped.

I was raped.

Carter helps me to the bathroom. I’m operating on autopilot now, my mind so far away it’s like I’m floating.Wait, floating! Yes, I used to float all the time. Why did I float?

Because I was raped.

I wasraped.

I was raped.

I was raped.

The little girl in me that was forgotten, the little girl that I shoved into the darkest part of my mind, comes running out. There’s tears streaming down her cheeks. She’s wet herself and there’s blood between her thighs.

I’m standing in my mind, stunned speechless as she screams for me, her arms open wide as she runs—fromhim.

She collides against my legs, clawing at them until I lift her up into my arms. She nestles her head into the crook of my neck and cries over and over and over.

The floating head man hurt me.

The floating head man hurt me.

The floating head man hurt me.

Pulling back, I look at her—look atme.I was so little. Blonde curls, tiny upturned nose…

I’m no older than three.

I’m so little and he was so big.

I was raped.

I was raped.

I was raped.

“Evie?”

Carter is scared.