Page 139 of Chasing Hope
Licking my suddenly dry lips, I lower my gaze. “That’s not going to make you feel any better, Matteo.”
“Fuck feeling better. I want the truth, Evie, just the truth. You can trust me to manage my emotions, I promise.” He sucks in a deep breath before pleading, “Please, Dove. What did she say to hurt you so much?”
Taking a shuddering breath, I lean forward, placing my hand on his knee to steady him. He clasps it with both his hands like it’s his lifeline.
“She told me I’m breaking his heart with my accusation.”
The words hurt saying them just as badly as it hurt to hear them.
Every syllable, every letter is a dagger to my heart.
My mom has the whip and she’s striking me even after she’s long gone.
Shock ripples through Matteo. As if lightning came down to earth and struck him.
His body visibly flinches. I think he stops breathing entirely.
He seems to have to force himself out of his stupor to whisper, “She said that…and you told her…everything?”
I wet my dry lips once more and explain, “She’s the only one I’ve toldwhodid this to me.”
Shaking his head back and forth as if he can erase what’shappening, Matteo’s hand lifts from mine and covers his mouth in bewilderment.
Pouring salt on his open wound, I add, “The phone call I had a few weeks ago with her…she told me she doesn’t believe me.” My voice begins to waver, tears pouring freely once more. “She believes him over me.”
“She’s a fucking fool,” he spits. “More than a fool, she’s cruel.”
The venom coating his words has me blinking away my tears.
It’s rage coursing through him now. It’s like he’s been thrown through the five stages of grief right before my eyes, which makes sense. When I remembered everything,everythingchanged.
Memories that had a rosy tint were stripped away to their natural color.
Relationships I adored were suddenly tainted.
Birthdays, camping trips, family events—he was there for fuckingall of it.
It’s why I can’t tell Matteo.
He’s already holding on by a thread, and once he learns who did it, that semblance of control will crumble in an instant.
Sitting beside me now, he holds his head in his hands as he takes deep breaths. “I’m sorry, I have no idea if I’m reacting the right way. I just…” He clutches his chest as he turns to me. “My heart is breaking for you, Evie.”
Reaching a hand up, I slide my fingers through his curly tendrils. “I know,” I whisper.
“Please tell me, Dove. Please tell me who did this to you.”
A sad smile graces my lips. “Sorry, Matteo, but I can’t.”
He nods slowly, trying to blink away his confusion and disappointment, but the emotions linger. “I’ll respect your wishes. I won’t force you, not about this, but…you can’t keep this bottled inside anymore.”
My entire body turns to stone.
“No, baby,” he says, facing me fully. “I’m not going to force you to do anything, but I’m begging, please go to therapy. Any type of therapy. This is killing you. I have been trying to help you stay afloat but it’s drowning you from the inside out.” Running a hand through his hair, he blows out a breath. “I knew somethingmore than what Carter did was going on. Iknewit wasn’t just that.”
I nod. “You’re right. Me finding him cheating was the best thing to ever happen to me. I was in such a daze mentally as I dealt with the memories and emotions that it was too much for me to bear fighting him, too.”
My heart grows heavy as I drop my gaze to my lap and fiddle with my nails. “I don’t know why I stayed. I thought about leaving so many times but I’ve been so tired. The nightmares don’t let me sleep and when I’m awake, it’s not like I’m given a reprieve from the memories. Every fucking day, his face haunts me. I just couldn’t bear any more disruption to my life.”
