Page 89 of Fighting Chance

Why couldn’t I?

I don’t know why it feels like I’ve swallowed acid. I don’t know why burning hot betrayal slices through my chest.

Layla isn’t mine.

She isn’t my girlfriend.

She’s just my nanny but…why does it feel like she’s mine and I’m hers?

Why does this fucking hurt so much?

She takes the phone from me and I get that telltale energy sizzling down my hand from the touch. I want to savor it but it feels wrong now, like I can’t feel this way around her. Almost like her touch has burned me, and I rip my hand away as if it has.

My chest starts to restrict, my hands shaking, and I know what’s going to come. I know what this feeling means.

I need air.

I needair.

I need air.

“I have to go.”

“What about the pancakes?” comes her soft voice and that softness shatters my heart and soul. Of course someone as kind, sweet, and caring as her wouldn’t be caught dead with a man whose own mother didn’t even want him.

“Just lower the stove temperature. Slow and steady wins the race,” I hear myself murmur, but my voice sounds detached. Ifeeldetached.

This is all wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

“I have to go.”

I can hear her calling my name, can even hear Emmy saying Daddy, but I can’t face them, not right now. They both will see the utter devastation of my heart breaking across my face.

Before I know where I’m going, my legs are carrying me across the street with just one thought pounding through my heart.

Why am I never good enough?

Chapter 18

Kieran

Google Search

Q: I’ve tried to not have feelings for someone, but they won’t go away. How do I make myself stop liking them?

A: Many suggest that unrequited love is a common psychological theme for people and something one will experience at least once in their life. Would you like some exercises to mentally combat these feelings?

Q: No, I just need to stop liking them.

A: Often, people are attracted to others they aren’t compatible with, thus affirming the belief they’re not loveable. Would you like some mental exercises to help eliminate this belief?

Fuck you, Google.

Icharge into Grayson’s house, my thoughts whirling, but immediately regret it as I come to a screeching halt. Bella screams bloody murder.

I throw my hands up as Grayson chucks a pillow at my head. “Dude! You need to learn to fucking knock!”