Page 145 of Fighting Chance

My hands are trembling slightly. My blinks are slow, and my jaw unhinges on a yawn.

The front door slams shut.

It takes a moment for my brain to process everything. It’s working much slower than usual, so slow in fact that when I look down at my hands again only to feel like I’m looking at someone else’s hands, it takes tremendous effort to blink back into my own perspective.

With sudden clarity, I realize that I dissociated.

The therapist I saw during college said I did that to “survive” my childhood. I was just so young I never remembered it, how floaty and out of control it feels. You can barely think when you dissociate, let alone hold a conversation, it takes every ounce of energy you have to form a singular word. Your brain just shuts down, a barrier of protection so you don’t think, feel, or have to comprehend whatever your mind deems unsafe.

My head snaps up.

“Did I just…”

I’m sprinting down the hallway before I finish the sentence.

Why the fuck would I tell her to leave? What the fuck just happened to me?

Running barefoot out the front of my house, Layla’s lights illuminate the gate she’s about to drive through, and I throw myself in front of her car, holding up my hands to tell her to stop.

Slamming on the brake, her car lurches, just as her front bumper knocks into my thigh.

“What the hell, Kieran?” Layla yells as she rolls down her window. “I could have killed you!”

Rounding the car, I lean my hand against her window, bending so we’re at eye level. The car smells like her and I can’t help but pull in a deep breath, my nerves settling at the scent. “Don’t go, I’m sorry. I just…I wasn’t myself. I usually need a minute alone to process my emotions.”

Layla nods, her eyes slightly wild with fright. “That’s okay, Kieran, I understand. No need to throw yourself in front of my car. I’m leaving.”

“No, you’re not listening. I want you to stay.” I can see the skepticism so I all but beg, “Please. Emmy just ripped my heart out, I don’t need you to run over it too.”

“That’s a bit melodramatic, don’t you think?”

“Emmy just asked if you were her mom and when I said no she was sad because she confessed she had a bad mom and wishedyouwere her mom because you’re nice.”

Layla’s lips part, astonishment thundering across her face.

“Will you put the car in park now?”

She nods aimlessly, our roles reversing as she’s now the one shell-shocked.

Leaning over, I put the car in park for her, realizing how close it places me to her face. Her eyes track my every movement as I press the engine button and turn her car off. Pulling out of the window, I open the door, holding out my hand.

“Come inside. Please, sunshine.”

Chapter 30

Layla

BELLA

did Kieran just throw himself on top of your car???

LAYLA

what the hell??

are you guys watching us?

BELLA