Page 127 of Fighting Chance

The look that overcame him still haunts me sometimes. The last thing I ever want to do is wound someone else, and yet I seem to be doing that a lot with my assumptions.

Cindy leans forward conspiratorially. “I’m wondering if it’s since a special charity event he suddenly started turning women away.”

Keeping my gaze firmly on the sticky round table, picking up my Coke, I take a long sip. “How interesting,” I say slowly.

Cindy snorts. “I can’t wait for them to finally go at it. They won’t be able to lie about it then. Like fireworks finally exploding.”

“My money is on the fireworks when they first kiss.” Bella turns to me. “You still haven’t kissed, right?”

Cindy’s mouth drops open. “You haven’t kissed yet?”

My cheeks flush as I finally look up. “No.”

Her lip twitches. “Oh, Bella’s absolutely right, then.”

“No one is catching feelings. This is just”—I glance around, making sure no bunnies are lingering nearby—“friends with benefits. Kieran doesn’t do relationships and he sure as hell isn’t going to start when he has a three-year-old.”

“Single dads date,” Cindy points out as if it’s obvious.

“Of course they do, but not ones that just randomly have a kid dropped in their lap overnight.”

Bella’s smile is coy. “So you’re saying if his life wasn’t just flipped upside down you would have dated him?”

My eyes shutter closed. “No.” Pinching the bridge of my nose frustration swells to the point I want to scream.

I know they mean well, truly I do because I know I was probably this annoying with Bella and Grayson but what they don’t understand is the amount of baggage I bring. Kieran can have any woman he wants with how they throw themselves at him and he was just handed a child to look after. The last thing the man wants to do is date a chronically ill girl who will come with a lifetime of complications, working medication or not.

He hasn’t seen the anxiety that can consume my body, the nightmares that plague me. The ones where I wake up sobbing into my pillow as I curse in fear that my body is failing me again.

My medication isn’t certain, and in turn, neither is my future.

I can’t subject him to that, Kieran deserves stability after everything he has been dealt in life.

For Christ’s sake, I was Googling this morning if bleeding gums are a side-effect of lupus. Newsflash, nearly everything is, and so I spent twenty minutes in the bathroom staring at my gumslooking for abnormalities while tears rolled down my cheeks and my hands shook.

Kieran doesn’t deserve that type of chaos in his life.

No one does.

Why would he choose me over a perfectly healthy woman with no complications?

Bella’s gaze softens as she asks, “What’s this really about, Lil?”

I throw my hands up in the air as my emotions bubble to the surface. “Why would I want to do that to someone? Why would I want to add another person to the list that I’ll eventually disappoint?” I hold up my hand as Bella’s lips part, our age-old argument rising to the surface. “I love you, Bella, so much, but you won’t change my mind on this. My illness has not only changed my life but my parents’, too. I’ve watched their world turn on its axis to help me and Kieran needs to focus on Emmy. He doesn’t need another burden in his life.”

Cindy and Bella exchange a glance and I can tell they want to push the matter but they must see my bone-tiredness because Bella places her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry you feel that way because you’re not a burden Lil, truly you aren’t.”

“I’ve never seen you as a burden, neither has anyone who cares about you,” Cindy adds gently.

Pursing my lips I shake my head. “You won’t change my mind.” Shaking the heaviness off us all, I quickly change the topic, lightening the mood. “You’re dying to ask questions about us, aren’t you?”

Cindy exchanges a look with Bella the pair choosing to follow my lead, they drop the depressing topic I brought up. Cindy clears her throat before smirking. “Like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve never done friends with benefits. It’s always been O’Connor.”

Bella points with her glass. “That’s adorable.”

“Not as adorable as I bet Kieran is being with Layla. Is he all soft and mushy because it’s your first time or is he commanding?”

Bella snorts as my mouth gapes open.