Page 101 of Fighting Chance

“Is that a statement or a question?”

I groan. “Honestly, I think my brain short-circuited and I blacked out. By the time I came to, Kieran was agreeing to being friends with benefits.”

“Kieran agreed to it?” she says, surprise evident in her tone.

“After acting all high and mighty and asking me not to go on the date with the guy from the bar? Yeah, he did.”

“Huh.”

“Why is that so shocking?”

Rustling comes over the line, and by the clacking I can tellshe’s starting to bake, whether from me causing her stress or not I’m unsure.

“Why just friends with benefits? Why not make it a real date?”

“Because he doesn’t date, and if he did, he’d just get bored with me,” I say as if that’s self-explanatory.

“But didn’t he ask you to go on a date with him?”

That makes me pause. “Well…yes, but?—”

The sigh that comes over the line is long and weighty.

“Lil, I adore you, but do you think that maybe you’re reading this wrong?”

“No, this is Kieran we’re talking about.”

“Do you know that for sure?”

I can’t help but laugh. “Yes, I do. What do you think is going to happen? He’s going to want to start something serious at the same time he was just handed a three-year-old to raise? He has enough on his plate, B. He doesn’t need another burden.”

“You’re not a burden, Layla. Why would you think that?”

Her tone has gone soft, wary and gentle like she’s verbally walking through a landmine, and I suppose she is.

Twisting the hem of my shirt, the truth rises to the surface before I can stop it. “Who would want to date someone who’s sick? It’s committing to a lifetime of hospital visits and uncertainty.” Lowering my voice, I mumble, “I wouldn’t want to date the sick girl either.”

“You’re not sick anymore, and even at the peak of your health issues you were never just thesick girl. You know I hate that label.”

Her words begin to worm their way through to my heart before I stop them in their tracks. “I’ll always be sick, B. The medication is just a balm.”

She sighs over the line, her heartbreak and opinions made clear with just that one sad sound. Bella wants me to shed the skin and title I gave myself but I don’t think I can. I’ll always be her, deep down.

My lupus isn’t going anywhere—I’m justmanagingit.

I could wake up tomorrow and relapse and everything thatI’ve come to love and cherish about my life would crumble. No wonder I have constant anxiety. No wonder my search history looks like I’m putting myself through med school.

I mean, look at Trisha—here one minute, riddled with cancer, and gone in the next breath. The only certainty in life is change.

But unfortunately, my reality holds two certainties.

Change is the only constant in life.