Page 20 of A Bride for Brodie

“I know, but it was hard for Ross to hear at the time. He fired Agatha on the spot. She told him she’d let him think about it first and she went on about doing what she has always done…take care of us.”

“Obviously, Ross didn’t fire her for good.”

“No. The next day, he begged her forgiveness and wept in her arms for a long time before Susie started crying. She needed to be fed and changed. They’d already picked up bottles for Susie so they could feed her while Sally was on the trip.” He paused for a moment. “Ross knew how to feed and change his daughter. He’d learned so Sally could go on the trip to see her parents.” Brodie paused, closed his eyes for a moment, and held up a finger.

Lottie knew the telling of the story was hard on him. She watched him as tears shone in his eyes.

“Ross knew what to do and had done it before, but he was having a hard time feeding and changing her. But Agatha wouldn’t let any of us do it. She said he had to. And she was right. He had to accept that was the way life was now. Poor Susie. Her little lungs were cried out when he finally changed and fed her. But he did, and he did it the next time and the next. We could help some and we all learned to feed her and change her diaper. Boy, can she go through a lot of diapers. Even though she’s almost trained to use the chamber pot, it was hard to begin with.”

Lottie ran a hand over his chest and let the sparse brown hairs curl around her fingers. “It sounds like a lot of work.”

“It is, but you’ll get used to it quickly.” He raised her head, so she looked at him. “Are you always so open?”

“No. It’s a well-kept secret. I don’t even let Maisie know how unshy I am. She would want to know why, and I don’t want to tell her.”

“Lottie, I’m your husband. You can tell me anything and it will always be just between the two of us…unless you say otherwise or your life is in danger and the knowledge would save your life. Then all bets are off.”

She pulled her hand back to her side. “I think I’d like to go to sleep now. Morning will come early, and the cows won’t wait for milking.” She turned over.

Brodie leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “Go to sleep. It’s been a long day and a very exciting one. Lots of new things to learn and do today. I hope you liked some of them.”

She turned over and looked up at him, then smiled. “You know I did. Are you looking for a compliment? I mean, just because I think you were wonderful doesn’t mean much since I have no experience.”

“And you won’t get any experience, except with me.” Brodie pulled her back over and onto his chest. He kissed her soundly. He used his tongue to probe her mouth and taste her.

She smiled and responded eagerly.

“I think I was just hoodwinked,” he said, “but I don’t think I mind at all.”

She kissed him, making him forget what she’d said before. Lottie really didn’t want to sleep, except in his arms. She’d fallen hard and fast for her husband, but she wasn’t surprised. After Maisie was gone, she’d always been lonely. And then she had Maisie back and these other amazing women friends. But still, she was alone at night with her thoughts, her memories.

Now she had Brodie, and he’d hold her, at least, until she fell asleep. That’s all she could ask for. Enough peace to fall asleep.

In prison, she’d worked her hands to the bone. Volunteered for every job. They all had, just to keep themselves busy, forget the day and be so tired they’d fall asleep immediately. So tired, the memories didn’t intrude or haunt them.

She cuddled closer to Brodie, skin to skin. She should hate that, after what her father put her through, but Brodie was a good man and her husband. He would never hurt her or humiliate her, never give her to his friends to touch, always just touch, but hands, when she went to sleep she’d see hands, pinching, touching, hurting.

“Ah.” She shot up in bed, breathing hard. It was dark, but she couldn’t go back to sleep. Her pulse raced and her heart pounded in her chest.

“Sweetheart? Lottie? What is it? Bad dream?” He reached out and touched her arm.

She scooted away. “No! Don’t touch me. Please, don’t touch me.”

“Lottie, honey. You’re sleeping. Wake up. Come on. Listen to my voice. Wake up.” He touched her shoulder, the sheet between his hand and her skin, and shook her. “Lottie. Wake up.”

She was on the far side of the mattress, away from Brodie. “Huh? What? What’s going on?”

“You were having a nightmare and didn’t want me to touch you. Are you awake now?”

“Yes. I’m awake.”And thoroughly embarrassed. “I’m sorry to have woken you.”

“It’s okay. Want to talk about it?”

She sat up, her back against the headboard, her knees bent and her arms wrapped around them. “Not really. The nightmare seems more real if I do.”

“Want me to hold you? Can you stand my touch now that you’re awake?”

She nodded, then realized he couldn’t see it. “Yes, I would like that. You make me feel safe.”