Page 101 of Shattered Oaths

Fuck.

I bite my bottom lip, heart breaking for her. “Yeah, baby,” I whisper, stroking the damp hair off her forehead.

She nods once, a single tear falling from her eye. “I thought so.”

“I’m so sorry, Bells.”

She forces a tight-lipped smile on her face despite her tears. “It’s okay. I always knew this day would come.”

Fucking hell, I can’t take the sorrow in her eyes. I wish I could take it away. I’d take every ounce of her pain and carry it myself if it was possible.

She doesn’t deserve any of the shit she’s been through. And I hate myself for being a contributing factor to it all.

“What can I do?” I ask, feeling like I need to do something,anything,to ease her pain.

Her next words, though, are the last thing I ever expect her to ask for. “Please don’t lie to me again.”

I lean closer, taking her face between both hands and using my thumbs to wipe her tears away. “I willneverlie to you again, Bella.”

Her eyes search my face, swollen and red rimmed, as she tries to find the truth in my words and I let her, hoping she can hear the promise.

Minutes pass in silence and I don’t make a move to get out of bed, I simply just let her stare at me, giving her time to feel whatever it is she’s feeling. I don’t try to talk about everything that’s happened between us; it’s not the right time for that.

Eventually, Bella sighs and nods her head. “Do you mind if I take a shower?”

“Not at all. All of your stuff is stocked up in there and I moved your clothes into my closet.”

She side eyes me but says nothing, climbing out of bed and moving toward the bathroom. Once the door closes behind her, I blow out a breath and run a hand down my face.

As much as I’d love to know where I stand right now, she’s dealing with the death of her mom after being the one to find her and expecting her to even be remotely thinking about our relationship would be incredibly selfish. But that selfish part of me is secretly hoping that she’ll at least stay with me while she navigates her grief.

I roll out of bed and dip into the ensuite off the spare room to take a quick shower of my own before heading downstairs.

It can’t be any later than five in the morning. The sun hasn’t fully risen yet, and the ranch is dark beyond my windows. Somewhere in the distance, the ranch hands will be up and milling about, getting prepared for the day, but from here, everything is still and silent.

Switching on the coffee machine, I grab two mugs from the cupboard and place one under the nozzle before repeating the process a second time. I hear the shower shut off and I pick up both coffees, carrying them out to the front porch.

I leave the front door open and take a seat in one of the chairs. It doesn’t take long before I hear soft footfalls on the stairs and Bella appears in the doorway, a long cardigan wrapped around her small frame.

I pick up her coffee and hold it out for her as she sits down beside me, and she takes it with a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Thanks.”

Leaning back in her chair, Bella tucks her legs up under herself and inhales deeply, her eyes closing as she tilts her head skyward.

I take the opportunity to examine her. Her hair is wet and twisted into a hair clip at the back of her head. The soft, usually sun-kissed skin of her face is red and blotchy, and I know it’s because she’s just cried in the shower. Her cheeks are slightly drawn in, the weight she’s lost in the last few weeks obvious.

She looks utterly exhausted and it makes my chest hurt knowing I’m to blame for that.

I wish I could make it right. I wish I had the power to make every bad thing that has happened recently disappear as if it never happened. I want to lock us away in my house and hold her until all the pain and heartache is gone and all is right in the world again.

“It’s really peaceful out here. I can see why this is something you do a lot.” Her quiet voice penetrates the quiet morning air.

“Hmm,” I hum in agreement. “There’s nothing quite like the silence of the early morning in the middle of nowhere.”

She sighs; the sound filled with so many unspoken thoughts. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, Noah. I don’t know what any of this means for us, but I do know I can’t just move past everything that’s happened. I know my mom is dead, and I know that the only person I want to be around right now is the one person I trust the least.”

Blood rushes in my ears, stomach sinking at that last statement.

She wants me but she doesn’t trust me.