Page 24 of Shut Up and Drive

“Please hurry, I have to pee.”

“Wait, for real? It hasn’t been that long since you went.”

“I drank a lot of coffee at Waffle House. Caffeine is a diuretic, you know.”

“I’m working as fast as I can, but this knot is crazy complicated!”

“Did you bring a pocket knife?”

“Yeah, in my bag.”

“Just cut them. I don’t care if she thinks we were desperate enough to go to drastic measures with this thing. There is no way on this Earth I’m peeing my pants in front of you.”

I chuckle. “Actually, you’ve already done that. Remember the tire swing incident?”

“This is not a good time for that, Thane. Plus, I was six! It’s not nearly as acceptable eighteen years later.”

I cross the room, and with the help of a tea light candle, I dig the pocket knife out of my bag.

“Pearl’s gonna be pissed about this. And I’m going to make up a story that completely exonerates myself, just so you know.”

“Whatever. I’ll take the blame. You can even call me Handsy for the rest of this vacation. Just get me out of here!” she pleads from the carpet.

After a few cuts, Sera takes a huge breath in.

“I wondered if you could breathe properly in that. She tied you so tight!” I say, helping her to a standing position.

She circles her arms around and stretches them above her head. “Man, that wasawful!”

“Why did you get in there in the first place?” I ask.

“You saw the way she looked at me. Pearl comes off as a sweet lil old lady, but I’ll bet you fifty bucks that in her prime she had a willow switch on top of her fridge to keep the kids in line.”

I throw my head back and laugh at the thought.

“Plus,” she continues, “that wink you did gave me the impression that as soon as she left, you’d let me out. It didn’t dawn on me that instead you’d take a forty-minute shower and then preen for another half hour afterward while I suffered. But I should’ve known better. When have you ever gone easy on me?”

“Well, in my defense, you had it coming.”

She crosses her arms and pops one hip. “Oh, I did, did I? How so?”

“If you would’ve just taken the seat in coach, we wouldn’t even be here right now. I’m making sure Karma gives you what she owes you.”

Sera scowls. “First of all,youdon’t get to decide what Karma gives out. Second of all… you look ridiculous with that tissue hanging out of your nose. I can’t for one second take you seriously. And before I can get any further into this with you, I have to pee.”

She rushes off toward the bathroom, leaving me laughing to myself.

I sit on the edge of Sera’s bed and look at the chaotic mess left behind. The twisted-up comforter shows exactly how much Sera struggled to stand up, most of the pillows are knocked onto the floor, and evidence of my bloody nose splatters the exposed sheets. I jiggle the bed, and from the way it caves in the middle, I suspect that Sera and I broke it when she knocked me down.

“Geez, this looks like a war zone,” I say, pulling the tissue from my nose when she returns from the bathroom. “I’m sure glad my bed is the intact one.”

“Oh, no you don’t! I’m not sleeping in this broken, blood-spattered mess.”

“Fina, you already lay in this bed, flung pillows and blankets onto the floor,andpanic-sweated on the sheets. Not to mention your little WWE move from the desk likely broke the frame. I am most certainly not sleeping in this catastrophe!”

“Well, neither am I,” she insists with stubborn resolve. “You bled all over it! I’m not sleeping on your blood!”

“Fine,” I say, moving to the good bed and pulling back the sheets. “But I’m not budging.”