Page 45 of Loving the Alien Spy

Lindsey

I’ve spent half the day in a haze of post-sex euphoria. Not even the gentle teasing my friends gave me over lunch brought me down. I’m doing what I can to ride the high and not think about the kiss Bannik left me with when he rushed out the door. How it had been filled with a type of desperation and maybe even a hint of panic. Like it would be the last one he’d ever be able to give me.

My plants and flowers have all been checked on and are blooming beautifully, especially the nebjyre Bannik had gifted me. Some nights, I’ll sit on my sofa in the dark with only the bright teal buds giving off their bioluminescent light. It makes me think of fairy lights, and my heart is so happy.

I’m just making myself comfortable on the sofa with my data pad to play an online game of Damshah and have a glass of plyka when someone knocks at the door. It can’t be any of my friends. They all had their own plans for this afternoon. Not unless Devon changed hers. I set aside the device and head forthe entrance. Pressing a button on the display monitor shows Bannik on the other side. Giddiness fills me. I don’t usually see him twice in a single day. Not with his patrol schedule.

I open the door and greet him with a bright smile. “Hi.”

“May I come in?”

His tone makes me blink, and my lips unfurl. I step back and widen the entryway. “Of course.”

Bannik strides into my living area and comes to a stop in the center of it before turning to face me. A gross swirling sensation churns in my stomach. Slowly, I close the door and lean against it for the minimal support it offers as my legs tremble with unease.

This isn’t the same man who left my apartment this morning. He might be wearing the same clothes and possess the same deep-copper-hued skin. His eyes may also be the same darkened color, but the flame that danced within their depths is nothing more than an ember. His body language is…off. There’s a hardness to his features that is new.

“What’s wrong?” Cold seeps into my veins.

“Please know that I never meant for this to happen.”

“Never meant for what to happen?” I shiver. “You’re freaking me out, Bannik.”

He flinches, and I catch a quick glimpse of what looks like guilt. “My name isn’t Bannik.”

My head jerks back and collides with the door with a heavy thud.

“From the moment I was born over thirty anums ago,” he begins, “I was raised with a single purpose. If I had been born eight tickslater instead of eight ticks before, my life would have turned out entirely different. Because I was the elder son, my path was set in stone, and there was no alternate route.”

I shake my head and my brow furrows. “You’re not making any sense.”

“For generations, the eldest son of the House of Deqan has served the Bohnari king by traveling the galaxy and gathering secrets of a sensitive nature. Government secrets that have been reported back to the king in order to protect our people against our enemies. Secrets used as leverage. Secrets used to turn nations against one another. Secrets about new technological advances the Bohnari perfect for their own use,” not-Bannik explains. “I am the eldest son of the House of Deqan and have spent the last two anums posing as my brother and infiltrating the rebel forces in order to bring to justice those who wish to overthrow the prince and take the throne.”

Everything over the last two weeks finally becomes glaringly clear. Every time he’s acted weird and withdrawn has been when I called him Bannik.

It’s why from the first day, I kept sensing something different about the man in front of me. Different from the one I’d spoken to and danced with at the parties the queen threw. That man was not the same Bannik I met in the botanical garden. Or the same Bannik I kissed. The same Bannik I had sex with because I was his heart’s fire.

My eyes widen, and my hand goes over my mouth. From behind it, I mumble, “You’re Carrik.”

His silence is the only confirmation I need. My stomach lurches. I press myself hard against the door so I don’t crumple to thefloor. This is the secret he couldn’t tell me. Or one of them. God, how many more does he have?

“I did not wish to keep this from you,” he says.

This whole time, it’s been one lie after another. “I trusted you. Believed you. Only now you tell me everything has been a lie.”

Ban—Carrik—moves toward me, and I dart out of the way, desperate to keep space between us. He stops, and the agony on his face almost makes me regret not letting him reach me.

“Lindsey, please,” he begs. “The only lie I have told is my name. Otherwise, I have spoken the truth. I was not part of Mohneek’s plans, nor did I cause the deaths of our people. My assignment had been to stop the rebels before it went as far as it did. The loneliness I have felt all these anums is real. Then I met you, and the lonely ache that had burrowed its way inside my chest disappeared. You are my heart’s fire.”

My heart splinters more with every word Carrik speaks. “Why now?”

He cants his head. “Why now, what?”

“Why are you telling me this now? What’s changed?”

Carrik’s gaze shifts, and he no longer meets my eyes. “Bannik escaped from my estate where I had been holding him captive since the rebel attack and returned to the city.”

My breath catches and tears form. “So you’re only here because your brother forced your hand. Were you ever going to tell me? Or did you just plan on keeping your brother prisoner for the rest of his life and let me continue to believe you were him?”