Page 42 of Loving the Alien Spy

“Is that really a reliable gauge to measure things?” I laugh.

She gapes. “Absolutely. It’s how I make all my hard decisions. Forget my brain. It’s a big fat liar. My gut—my instinct—never leads me wrong.”

Maybe I’m cynical, because that feels too easy. Out of everyone I’ve ever known, I trust Devon the most. “You better be right.”

She palms her chest and exaggerates a gasp. “Of course I am. When have you ever known me to be wrong?”

“I’m sure there’s at least one instance, even if I can’t think of it off the top of my head.”

“Ha!” She jabs a finger in my direction with a huge grin on her face. “That’s because there isn’t one.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Too late.”

“Fine. My gut tells me that no matter how many questions I might have, Bannik is worthy of my trust, even when I’m still uncertain about anything else.”

Devon nods. “There you go.”

I hope we’re both right.

Chapter 21

Carrik

I curse myself and my brother. Mostly, I curse my father and all those who came before me—including the kings we have served—for placing the weight of responsibility of this forced role onto my shoulders. I didn’t ask for this.

Until now, not once have I ever resented my position, despite the rift it created between Bannik and me. Everything my father drilled into me led me to accept this as my fate. Losing my relationship with my brother was a necessary consequence. It couldn’t be helped, and it was for the benefit of everyone.

Except, it has done the complete opposite. It caused me to imprison Bannik, further fracturing any chance he might one day forgive me. It created a sense of distrust between me and my heart’s fire, despite Lindsey’s offering her tentative trust. The deception is becoming more than I can handle. Or perhaps, more than I desire.

Being the crown’s royal spy has given me a sense of purpose. It has been a source of pride. Lately, however, it’s become aburden. One I no longer wish to bear, especially given what’s occurred. The time is nearly here when the choice is going to be ripped from me. It’s not as terrifying as I expected it might be.

I step out of the hired shuttle and stride across the grounds of my estate. Even from this distance, Ivik’s presence at the door is visible. His shoulders are slumped in defeat. However, I don’t blame him. The fault lies solely with me and the impulsive actions I took. At times I’ve wondered if a part of me buried deep inside knew what the end results would bring and secretly wished for the wealth of secrets I held to be unearthed.

“Carrik,” Ivik says my name, and it’s filled with apology.

“It was bound to happen. Perhaps it’s for the best.” It’s the only reassurance I can offer. “You did, after all, tell me to think about unburdening this secret.”

My handler—my friend—nods warily. “Yes, but I never wanted the decision to be taken from you without your consent.”

“It’s done. Or nearly so. That all depends on what Bannik does next. I should have stayed in Preska, but I needed to make sure you were well.” At least Horek and Janik have been given advance notice that my brother will most likely be requesting an audience in order to demand I’m thrown in the pit for my actions.

Ivik’s skin is a paler hue than usual, but he appears otherwise unharmed.

“I will live,” he says. “Although the embarrassment will linger far longer, knowing your brother got the upper hand on me. It would seem I had become far too complacent in my old age and let my guard down long enough for Bannik to use that to his advantage.”

“We both know my brother is smarter than he is given credit for. I’m only surprised it took him this long to figure out a way to escape.”

“Yes, but I still should have taken more precautions and not allowed him to catch me so unawares.”

I lightly clap his shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Ivik nods, but considering I’ve known him my entire life, I know that is too much to ask at the moment. It’s going to take time for him to forgive himself for Bannik escaping and bringing hundreds of anums of secrecy out in the open.

“So long as you are well, it would be best for me to return to Preska and deal with my brother and the fallout.”

“Go,” Ivik assures me. “I am well, and the staff have been taking excellent care of me since I was found.”