Page 26 of Loving the Alien Spy

That makes me feel only marginally better. “I still wish you would have allowed me. You deserve to be taken care of.”

Lindsey’s cheeks darken in color, and she ducks her head. “Next time, I’ll let you.”

My heart skips a beat that she believes we will have another meal together. If only we could share all of them. I place the tray on the counter and remove the lids. The delicious aroma already present grows stronger.

“Do you want to eat at the table or on the sofa?” she asks. “We tend to eat in the living area, but I can behave like a civilized person for once.”

I love the humor I can sense coming from her. Ivik has told me often that I’m far too serious, but I have never learned to be anything but.

“Civilized is something I am far too much of. Perhaps you can show me there is more to life than just that.”

Lindsey studies me a moment without blinking. “I’ve seen you briefly cut loose a few times. You seemed pretty…not uncivilized per se…but laid-back and carefree on those minor occasions.”

Inwardly, I wince. How could I have forgotten for even a tick that I am not Carrik? “Perhaps it was the company I kept at the time.”

She continues observing me, and I hold my breath, waiting for her to question me once more or let it pass. Thankfully, she lets it go.

“Why don’t we eat in the living area, then?” Lindsey decides.

I take both of our plates in there, and she follows with our drinks and places them on the table next to where I place our food. It isn’t until I sit that I realize how close we are to each other. She wreaks havoc on my senses, especially with each small sound of appreciation she makes after taking a few bites. They go directlyto my cock that hasn’t fully softened, despite my release in the hygiene room not that long ago.

“You are right. The food here is wonderful.” I need to distract myself.

Lindsey wipes her mouth with a cloth, and I follow her movements. “The cook really outdoes himself sometimes. I have to remind myself there’s plenty more where it came from and I’m not suddenly going to be eating protein bars again, but occasionally, I forget.”

“Protein bars?”

She looks at me strangely once more but continues. “Back on Earth, that’s what those of us in the bottom tier ate. It wasn’t until I got on the Bohnari ship to come here that I tried real, genuine food. Man, I was so sick those first few days. Shit, sorry, I shouldn’t bring that up while we’re eating.”

I chuckle. “It is fine, and I am glad you have gotten used to more than just a protein bar.”

Lindsey glances around before her gaze lands on me. “There are times I worry my name being called in the lottery was a mistake. That one of these days, Alik—well, Janik, I guess—will get a comm from the president with a directive to send me back. That I don’t belong here.”

I wipe my hand on my cloth and cradle her jaw, never once taking my eyes off her. “You will never have to go back to that place. Not ever. I swear to you. Bohna is where you belong. I won’t allow anyone, no matter who they are, to take you from here if you don’t wish to leave.”

“You promise?” The green of her eyes sparkles with unshed tears.

I kiss her gently and rest my brow against hers. “I promise.”

Despite the time that has passed since I spent the morning with Lindsey, the blood in my veins hasn’t cooled. The fever burns hot through me and will only get worse. But I will not push her for anything she is not ready to give. The kisses we have shared are more than I could have asked for, given the circumstances. The pain of our unfulfilled mate bond is minor still and manageable.

Thoughts of her and the way she’d splayed herself over me before we’d eaten harden my cock once more. It’s a state I’ve spent much time in since meeting my heart’s fire.

“You are distracted,” Arvik snaps as we patrol one of the main streets.

“My apologies.”

His disdain for me has not cooled in the many days since I returned to duty as Bannik. Only one or two Bohnari guards have treated me with any degree of civility. Not that I expect them to. The only challenge that has come with it is that I haven’t been able to gather any information on Mohneek or Orvak. No one will speak to me, and the moment I enter a room, most everyone leaves. It doesn’t help that I’m still required to visibly check in with a senior officer every two clicks. Horek hasn’t lifted that restriction, despite knowing my true identity.

Neither he nor Janik has discussed with me my next steps. Which leaves me floating with no direction. It’s anuncomfortable sensation and not one I’m used to. While I rarely traded coded messages with Alik, I always had an assigned task that he trusted me to complete in any way I saw fit, in whatever amount of time it took. It’s why I had been playing at rebel for two anums.

The hatred I hold for myself that I was involved for that long and still didn’t see what Mohneek and her consort had planned is deep. How could I have missed the signs? How many Bohnari could I have saved if only I hadn’t been so blind? I will forever be haunted by the knowledge that I’m partially to blame for their deaths. Lindsey is right not to trust me.

“For the gods’ sake, you are useless,” Arvik growls.

I bite back the retort and do my best to keep my temper on a tight leash.

“You should have stayed gone,” he says.