Page 24 of Loving the Alien Spy

“Why are you nervous? We are merely getting to know each other. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”

Despite all the things I’d believed he’d done, I somehow know that. “I guess because I don’t really know what to say to you. Or what to talk about. All my life, I’ve struggled making friends. The friends I have now—Olivia, Devon, and Quinn—are because I was fortunate to get pulled into their circle by some happy accident.”

Saying it out loud sounds a little sad and pitiful if I think too hard about it.

“I, too, find it difficult to make friends,” Bannik says, and it shocks me to hear him admit that.

“What about the other reb—” I wince. “Sorry.”

“There is no need to be sorry. We both know I was part of the rebellion, even if it was for the wrong reasons.” Bannik smiles, but it’s filled with sadness. “We may have supported what I thought was the same cause, but I wouldn’t call any of them friends.”

I cock my head. “What about the other guards? Before everything, I mean?”

“They are males I trust to work alongside and help to make sure the prince and people of Bohna are safe. But they are not males I confide in or spend time with beyond our patrol shifts.”

Wow, and here I thought I lived a lonely life. “It must also be difficult not having a relationship with your brother.”

Bannik flinches, and I regret bringing it up.

“It has always been complicated between us.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

An awkward moment passes before I clear my throat. “You can talk to me anytime. If you need someone to listen. Sometimes that’s the hardest thing. Just finding someone who will listen to you.”

Bannik reaches the short distance between us and clasps my hand. Heat shoots up my arm and hits me straight in the chest.

“I will think on your generous offer.”

I nod shakily and take in a stuttered breath. “Good, because I mean it.”

“I, too, would offer this kindness in return,” Bannik replies.

My heart beats at a frantic pace, and it’s not entirely from nerves. The way he holds my hand and all the different sensations bombarding me don’t help. Confusion runs rampant. So does arousal. That scares me the most.

“What about the rest of your family? Do you get along?” I’m really trying.

“There isn’t anyone else. Only my brother and me.”

“What’s his name?”

A pained expression dashes across Bannik’s face, and I quickly apologize. “Sorry. If you’d rather not talk about him, I understand.”

He shakes his head. “His name is Carrik.”

“I have two younger brothers. Well, half brothers.”

“Half?”

“Oh.” I should have guessed they don’t have that terminology on Bohna. “We share the same father but have different mothers.”

“I see,” he says. “And you are not close with these younger brothers?”

“Not even a little bit. My mom died when I was a couple years old, and my dad remarried. Mostly because he didn’t want to have to deal with me.” I shrug with self-deprecation. “He never wanted a girl, so even from birth, I was a huge disappointment.”

“Females are a blessing,” Bannik fiercely defends.