Page 16 of Loving the Alien Spy

Her features shift from confusion to hurt before landing on anger. The emotion radiates from her rigid form.

“I apologize. That should not have happened.” It escapes through clenched teeth, and I run my hand across the back of my neck.

Lindsey slowly swivels her head, and the anger drains from her. What replaces it is far more devastating. Her whole body sags in defeat as she takes several steps back. The space between us widens to the point we may as well be light-years apart.

She expels a small sigh and won’t look me in the eye. “When the president announced the bridal lottery and said all the women of childbearing age from the bottom tier were the only ones eligible, I laughed. She had to be kidding, right? I mean, we were nobodies to the upper tier. Worthless garbage. So I knew there had to be a catch. Even though I figured this would be nothing more than a lark, I entered my name. Not because I actually thought I’d be chosen. I did it for nothing more than to play their game.”

Lindsey wraps her arms around herself, and I wish it could be me doing that for her. Holding her. Comforting her.

“When they did, in fact, call my name, and after we first arrived,” she continues, “I really started to believe something good would come out of this. That I’d be able to have a new life here. That I’d somehow find a Bohnari husband and wouldn’t go to sleep every night praying that when I woke up this wasn’t something I’d dreamed up.”

Finally, Lindsey looks at me. Tears shimmer in her eyes. “I signed up for the lottery as a joke, but I guess the joke’s on me, huh?”

My feet remain frozen to the floor even as she watches me for several ticks before she walks to the door and lets herself out. It isn’t until she’s been gone long enough for me to know she’s not coming back that I move.

“Gods’ blood.” I have managed to make it worse for both of us.

If she was thorough in her research—and I suspect she was—then I can guess as to what brought her here. I’m fully aware of the consequences of an unfulfilled heart’s fire bond. But I will not tie her to me. Not only because she thinks I am Bannik, but also because she believes him to be a murderer. Mating with her would only be for my own gain. Lindsey deserves better, and it would be selfish of me to do that to her.

I need to find Mohneek and Orvak, bring them to justice once and for all, and then disappear from Preska. Except that means I’ll need to release Bannik, and the truth will come out that he is not Lindsey’s mate. My life will be over, both as a spy but also in truth.

Imprisoning Bannik had been a mistake—an impulse I did not think through. Most likely because I have never been impulsive. Not once in my life. My brother will never keep my true identity secret when this is over, and I don’t blame him. Not after everything.

But even if I could be mated to Lindsey as Carrik, she would be in danger because of my past. My secret would be revealed, and if anything happened to her because of me, I would never forgive myself. Thoughts of danger bring with them my encounter with Ryvik. The whole incident sets off alarms within me, and I’ve learned never to ignore them.

My wrist comm beeps, and I read the message on the screen. Why is everyone in the barracks being summoned to the galley for a debriefing? It’s nearly time for my shift to start, so I quickly change into my guard’s uniform and make my way through the halls.

A crowd has already gathered, and at its center is Commander Horek. I remain near the perimeter for at least five more ticks before everyone comes to attention. Silence descends until the only sound is the collective breathing of the occupants.

“As you have all been made aware, the possibility exists that Janik, former leader of the rebellion, is the long-lost son of King Danik and Queen Veroneek. I have just come from the medical facility where Vornak has conducted extensive testing of Janik’s blood as well as that of Queen Veroneek and myself.” Horek scans the crowd. “Results have determined that Janik is, in fact, Prince Barrik and rightful heir to the crown of Bohna.”

Rumblings spread out around the group. There are murmurs of disbelief and grumbles of anger. At the same time, my father’s voice echoes once more in my head about my loyalty and whomI serve. If Janik—Barrik—is the rightful heir, then I am in service to him and not Alik. My life is devoted to the king and his eldest progeny upon his death.

Which means my allegiance is to Janik now. I need to alert Ivik, although I suspect this news will travel across Bohna quickly. Movement snaps me to attention. The guards are dispersing, while I remain frozen in place. A shadow crosses my face, and Horek stands in front of me. His assessing gaze travels along my bare shoulders and down my arms before returning to my face. He homes in on my eyes.

“Who is it?” he asks. “Does she know?”

I should have suspected nothing would escape the commander.

“Does it matter? I have no intention of pursuing her.”

This announcement appears to surprise him. “You do understand what will happen if you decide on that course of action?”

“Yes.”

Horek shakes his head. “There is a female who has come to our planet to find her mate. To have kits. Perhaps even to find love. You would withhold that from her? For what? Because you think you are not worthy of her or whatever excuse you are making? I did not believe you to be so cruel, Bannik.”

I flinch. “She believes me to be a traitor and a murderer. I don’t think she has any interest in being my mate.” Lindsey made that clear.

“Are you those things?”

No, but I cannot admit that. At least not all of it. “I am no murderer.”

“Have you told her that?”

“No.”

Horek silently observes me for several more ticks. “Perhaps you should. Let her decide for herself whether you are worthy of being forgiven for whatever choices you made.”