Page 37 of Later Bloom

Because it’s the only thing she can think to say, Aubrey says, “It’s Aubrey,” but she tries to do it in a seductive way.

“Yeah, no, I know. I like Ladybug.” Behind him the moon is full and high, peeking through the trees that bend over the water.

“Okay.” She tries to think of what the girls in movies say, of the dialogue in her favourite books.

“I’ve seen you around, with the younger groups. You’re pretty cute to watch.” He pulls a face, like he’s just heard what he said. “Not in a creepy way, I mean. I just noticed you.”

Aubrey isn’t sure how to move her limbs. They’ve grown quite foreign all of the sudden. “Did you? We haven’t talked much.”

Sam seems unbothered by the accusation. “I thought maybe you’d come up to me.” He’s a little cocky, but Aubrey tells herself it’s cute, funny. Bold and confident. And he is hot. It does do a lot of the heavy lifting, being ridiculously attractive. He had a point.

She knows this kind of man must be into girls that match his energy, that can hold his gaze and say, “Oh, is that what you’re used to? The girl making the move?”

He laughs. They stand a little closer now. “I can’t lie to you.”

It strikes Aubrey as a very ludicrous thing to say, but she can’t get over the fact that he’s standing here with her.

In a single breath, she confesses, “I don’t know what to say now.”

He’s looking away when he laughs, but he rests his hands on her waist to draw her into him. “That’s fine. We don’t have to talk.”

His fingers tangle in her sweatshirt when they kiss. It grows deep fast, clumsily, his tongue heavy on hers, his nose bumping her cheek. She arches her back where he grabs her and there are so many things she thinks about, very fast, like how he smells grassy, and maybe she should wrap her arms around him, and how stiff her neck is. But it’s nice, too, hot and urgent. In the taste of his lips, Aubrey searches for the feeling of knowing who she is, of feeling right. She looks for a sense of belonging she’s desperate to grasp. She wants to be desired and she wants to feel like everyone her age.

His mouth tastes like mint and his hair smells like fire. When his fingers run beneath the hem of her shirt and up her ribs, she thinks louder, harder, until he reaches for her bra and she stumbles back.

“Woah, steady,” he says, a little out of breath. His lips are shiny and he’s smiling. Aubrey wonders if he can make out her expression under the moon. It only takes a second before he’s drawing her in for another kiss.

Aubrey fractures then into two women. One fuels on the certainty that this is just a kiss, nothing to fret over. The other breaks at the thought that it isn’t anything more, just a kiss.

“Sorry,” slips from her mouth when she steps back again. Sam’s hands are on her breasts and she can hear the others so clearly in the water. Her breath is hard to catch. She says, “Should we go join the others?”

Sam looks as lost as Aubrey feels. “Sure? If that’s what you want.”

All Aubrey finds to offer is another, “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, don’t be.” They simply stand there, neither of them moving. “Did I move too fast or something?”

“A bit, yeah.”

“Okay. Well, I’m sorry too, then.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I thought—we can just go a little slower, yeah?”

“Sure,” Sam nods, but he already seems less interested, toying with the waist of his pants with his eyes anywhere but on her. He runs a hand through his hair and juts his chin at the path that leads down to the lake. “After you.”

Aubrey says nothing when she passes in front of him and follows the voices. From behind her, Sam says, “Don’t worry about it,” which makes her most definitely worry about it.

When they reach the group, Aubrey meets Maggie’s eyes and waves her down. Her heart is in her throat when she smiles. Sam turns to her and says something about catching up to her later, and then he’s pulling his shirt over his head and kicking his pants off to dive in the lake.

Maggie’s in her bra and underwear when she comes out of the water. Her chest shakes with laughter from something Theo just said, and she squeezes the bottom of her hair to get most of the water out. “Well, where have you been?” she smiles suggestively at Aubrey as she climbs up the shore.

Aubrey waits a second for her to get closer. “I’ll tell you later,” she says quietly. Already she’s pulling her sweatshirt over her head. She doesn’t think about what she’s wearing underneath or anything other than getting in the water. When Maggie catches on, she runs back into the water to Theo. Aubrey leaves her pants and shoes in the dirt. The water is cold when she steps in, too cold to think, so she moves faster until it reaches her waist and steals her breath. The moon shines crisp and white on the lake. She folds at the knees and ducks under the water, and then she emerges again in the middle of the group. Everyone’s laughing and pretending like the lake isn’t frigid and their feet aren’t sinking in the mud. It’s disgusting. It feels great.

“I’m sorry again, about earlier,” a voice says to her left.

She turns to find Sam wading over. The water sits at his hips and she tries not to stare. What could she possible say? Her mouth refuses to say the words It’s fine. Before she can muster a syllable, he adds, “I think you just have to let go, though, honestly. I mean, it’s really not that deep. You want to make out, cool. You don’t, no worries.”

All Aubrey finds to respond is, “Okay.” Now she’s staring, but mostly because she can’t comprehend what’s happening.