Page 22 of Later Bloom

He pulls a face. “Not as much as you think it does.”

The test feels terrifying now. She wants to back out, to take it back. She risks, “Can’t we keep it vague like this?”

“Will you tell me if I guess correctly?”

Aubrey looks over at him for a second and finds him staring in return. They share identical smiles, a little awkward and uneasy but amused. She says, “Fine, yeah.”

“Okay.” He inhales deeply and faces the wind, eyes squinted as if he’s pondering a very important matter. Around them the boats are lighting up in the harbour, hazy lights casting a warm glow on the water. Even as the day draws to an end, the surrounding houses are almost offensively colourful, deep red and lime green and bright yellow facades lined along the shoreline.

“Something you wouldn’t want to tell me, the random guy you’ve just met,” Raphael says to himself, quietly. He’s putting on a show. He hums, toys with his outdoorsy raincoat. Aubrey holds her breath. He could guess it right. Maybe she should lie.

He asks, “Does it have something to do with what we’re doing right now?”

Aubrey allows herself a slow nod, careful where she sets her toes. This feels like dangerous territory, one she’s explored before and too often regretted. One where she says too much, too fast.

“Okay,” he says again. Then, “So you’d like to meet someone while you’re here.”

This feels close enough to the truth. “Sure, yeah.”

As they walk, the water grows more distant and their path more narrow. The houses sit tall in their stately, Victorian air, and Aubrey feels watched. Raphael points out gently, “Well, that’s not such a terrible secret, is it?”

She laughs. “Isn’t it?”

“You should know, though, Lunenburg’s not so great a place to meet people. Not that, you know, this isn’t nice or anything. I’m just saying, the pickings are slim when it comes to dating. Mostly, I’ve known everyone around here for too long. That, or people are just passing through on their way to something else. It’s a little hard for anything to stick, is all. Things are very short-lived here.”

“Mm. You’re a very optimistic kind of motivator.”

“No, no, I just mean—well, honestly, you’re the first girl I’ve gone out with in a while. I’ve found it hard lately to connect with people.”

There’s something in his words that echoes so familiar. The conversation feels a little less scary then, a little more like a place for Aubrey to settle into. “How long have you been single for?” she asks, in case she might see some of her experience reflected in his answer.

He shrugs and says, “A year, year and a half, maybe,” and Aubrey tries really hard not to let the disappointment show on her face. She must have failed, because he frowns. “What?”

“Sorry. Nothing at all.”

“I know it’s been a while, but—”

“Oh, god.” She covers her face quickly, by reflex, and she’s not sure if she’s smiling because it’s funny or because she should’ve known better. “A year and a half isn’t long, believe me. I’ll show you long.”

His laughter is hesitant in return. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve got you beat, that’s all.”

“Well, fine. So you’re showing off. How long has it been?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I’m fairly sure I do.”

Aubrey swears at herself, at the deep grey sky. It’s been a while since she risked showing her cards like this, so quickly. She knows it’s risky. Maybe she’s desperate for a reason to justify it not working out in the end. Maybe she’s trying to take herself out of the running before she’s given herself, or him, an actual chance.

She feels the weight of the words on her tongue before she says them. “I’ve been single my whole life,” she tries to say as normally as possible. Her nose is scrunched up, her eyes narrowed at the horizon. “So, nearly twenty-eight years. Give or take a few weeks.”

She waits for him not to go wide-eyed and say “oh” in a shocked way. She waits for her expectations to be proven wrong and for it not to matter, even though she knows it does. And as time passes, it matters more.

But when she looks over at Raphael, she can’t quite read his face. All he says is, “Mm, okay.”

“But not in a weird kind of way,” Aubrey feels the need to add. “Just in an ’I never really clicked with anyone’ way.”