Page 65 of A Lot Like Lavender

Emory smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. I realize, too late, where the conversation is going and that I’m about to have a lot of explaining to do. “Well, I’m sure you have big plans for it, now that you own the east side.”

Trey is too busy making googly eyes at my girlfriend to notice the panic in mine.

“Oh, I wish.” He chuckles. “It would have made a beautiful driving range, but it was too rich for my blood.”

“I don’t understand… Debbie said you were closing weeks ago.” Emory’s head ticks to the side and Trey barrels on.

“I’m surprised you didn’t hear. I got outbid by a mile. Lost the land the second I thought I had it.” He slaps myback and points a crooked finger into my chest, ensuring that all eyes—including Emory’s—are on me. I briefly contemplate pantsing him, right here and now. “This guy’s gotta be some kind of trust fund baby, because those pockets run deep. He snatched it up right from underneath me, paid in cash, and signed the papers before I could argue otherwise. Seems I’ll have to get used to losing to him.”

Dinah whispers something that sounds a lot like,“secret billionaire,”before Jack grabs her arm and drags her away. Tisha quite literally tiptoes out of our small group after Trey finally gets a clue and picks up a faux phone call before racing off in the opposite direction.

Tears brim in Emory’s eyes. Tears I can’t abide when all I ever want to do is help her. She briefly glances around at the crowd of kids and parents still meandering through the pasture in the afternoon sun and then at the ferris wheel, where Molly and Theo have been riding together for over an hour.

“Please don’t cry, Red,” I whisper, catching a tear against her cheek with my thumb. Then, weaving our fingers together, she lets me lead her around the corner of the house where we won’t have an audience.

“You bought my farm?”

“I bought a piece of the land, Sweetheart.”

“I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me?” She wipes her cheeks, but she lets me take hold of her waist and draw her close. Allows me to hold her.

“I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn’t want it to seem like I was pressuring you into anything you didn’t want… that you weren’t ready for. And I’m still not, okay? The land is yours. It’s always been yours.”

“I don’t… I don’t know what to say.” Her eyes narrow. “I’m… You should have told me.”

“I know. I know, and that’s totally fair, but Emory, I couldn’t let you lose that land. Because I remember watching you fall in love with it. I remember the way you looked the first time you and James toured the property. How you dreamed up the house and the farm and what you’d build here. And you did. You did it all.”

My hand clasps onto Emory’s waist for dear life. “I wanted to tell you so many times. The night of book club I thought I’d get my chance, but then it felt like you were finally close to forgiving me. Something changed between us that night—before then, even—and I couldn’t… I didn’t want it to scare you.”

“But the money. I can’t pay for it. I can’t?—”

“I don’t care about the money. The land was never for me, Red. It's for you and Molly… and for James. Because I didn’t stay when you needed me… when it was too hard. Back then, I would have done anything to switch places with him, so it wouldn’t have been him you lost.”

“Don’t, Jordan,” she says softly, bringing her shaking fingers to her lips. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.” Emotions catch in my throat. “James had the life I wanted. And he deserved it. He was the better of us, Emory. You’ve got to know that.”

She clutches my shirt in her hands, articulating each word. “Jordan. I. Love. You.”

And she loves him, too. Two things can be true at once.

Even at the height of what’s happening, I know I’ve got tocatchthese thoughts. They’re how I feel—how I’ll probably always feel—but they have nothing to do with Emory and me. Or what we are building together. They have nothing to do with why I bought this land for her.

Check.We both loved James. There’s no point in denying the truth that will always be between us. He wasmy best friend, and he was her first love. But I want to be her last.

Change.I’m not the same man that I was ten years ago or even ten days ago. Every day I’m growing. Hopefully into a man my friend would be proud of. Into a man that may not ever be worthy or deserving of the love of the two girls who are so important to us both, but who will humbly show up, day after day, and be grateful for the gracious gift their love truly is.

“I love you.” I tuck her hair behind her ear and let my fingers linger along the soft skin of her cheek. Every time we’re this close and I get the chance to touch her… To hold her. To kiss her. I find myself cataloging every detail I can to memory. The scar above her eyebrow. The heart-shaped freckle on her temple that I love to kiss. And the tilt of her lips, every time I do.

“I've got a list of regrets a mile long when it comes to you and Molly, but buying the land, making sure you didn’t lose one more precious piece of your life, that was too easy. Do whatever you want with it. It’s yours. But no way was I going to letYou’ve Got Treyturn your dream into a driving range.”

I kiss that freckle I love so much, then catch her responding, contented smile gently with my mouth, hardly believing I can be the one to bring any source of happiness to her life. And vowing I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to continue to do so.

She wraps her arms around my neck and presses a soft kiss to my throat before tucking her head beneath my chin. “Thank you. It doesn’t feel like enough, but I don’t know what else to say. I’m not used to this. To having someone do something so… big. For me. For Molly.”

“Don’t thank me,” I whisper, tightening my armsaround her. “Just say you’ll let me be here. Let me stay with you both. Let me love you.”

Emory pulls back, cradling my jaw in her hands. “Of course, I want you to stay. But you have to stop living like you’re paying penance for the past. The projects and odd jobs and breakfast-making… I don’t want you to do those things because you feel like you’re making up for lost time. You're here now. I love you, and I want to do house projects together and fight about bedroom colors?—”