Page 40 of His Arranged Plus-Size Mate
I tried to breathe, but my lungs felt like they were seizing. He pressed his forehead against mine, his touch hot against me. “Deep, slow breaths. In and out. In and out.”
My lungs burned, and my heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute. He remained there, holding me still, whispering over and over. A calming voice in the storm.
“Breathe, Hazel. Just breathe.”
I closed my eyes, focusing on slowly pulling air in. I felt tears burning in my eyes, still seeing it all happening. “Hazel, talk to me.”
I blinked, still trying to piece it together. The nightmare had grown more vivid, and the feeling of being watched was growing stronger. I looked around the room, feeling that sensation I had once felt when I was younger. It was a burning beneath my fingers.
“Hazel?” Asher cupped my face. “Talk to me. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”
I slowly took a breath in. I could see the fear in his eyes, and I knew I had to tell him. I couldn’t keep to myself anymore. You smell the magic like I had uncorked it. “I had another nightmare. Just like the last one.”
He frowned. “When did you start having nightmares like this? Were you having them before you moved in? Does anyone else know about them?” He leaned back, his hands not letting go.
I swallowed, hating to admit this. It sounded so bad. If he knew, what was he going to think? It looked like I’d been hiding the truth.
“Ever since my kidnapping, I’ve had them. They were mostly of darkness and that feeling of being watched. But they’ve only grown since.”
I felt a few tears break free. “I don’t want you to hate me or look at me differently.” My voice cracked, knowing it was selfish. I should have told someone sooner.
He frowned, shaking his head. “I won’t.”
He would. I knew he would. Because a part of me wasn’t the same, a part of me was dark. And he had to worry about the safety of the pack.
“I think….I mean, I know I have magic again.” I sniffled. “But I don’t think it’s all good.”
His eyebrows pressed together, and he shook his head. “What do you mean?”
I frowned. “I think I can feel them….that a part of me is connected to them.”
I waited for his face to shift, for that puzzle piece to slide in, and for him to understand what I was saying. But he didn’t. He just held me. He pulled me in tightly, running his hand through my hair.
He pressed his lips against my hair. “If you think you’re evil, you’re not.”
“But what if I am?” I cried, pushing my face into his chest. I hated the idea, hated even voicing the words out loud, but it was true. Since my return, I’d felt a pull toward the darkness. It felt like it had been shoved under my skin, and no amount of scrubbing was going to clean it away.
And now I felt magic. But it wasn’t the same as before. It was different, and it felt hotter. My magic had been like a tingle, but this feels like fire through my veins.
“I’m sorry. If you want to tell Brandon and have me locked up, I understand.”
Asher leaned back, cupping my face once more. I could see anger in his eyes now. “Why on earth would I have you locked up, Hazel? You are not evil. You are not a terrible person. You are nothing compared to them.”
“But I’m connected. I can feel the darkness. Does that mean they can use me? That they could…make me do something?”
He shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell anyone before now? Jesus, Hazel. You…” He froze. “Is that why you’ve been so distant? Why you’ve…changed? Because you’re afraid?”
How else was I supposed to protect everyone? I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t run because I had a feeling I wouldn’t get anywhere. I couldn’t continue living my life as if nothing had changed, because it had.
“Jesus Christ.” He threw his head back and pulled me closer. “Fuck, Hazel.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.” He sounded angry now. “Fuck, this isn’t on you. We have failed you. All of us have failed in not seeing your pain and this fear. We should have.”
“But I didn’t tell you.”
“And we should have asked.” He held me tighter. “We should have noticed that something wasn’t the same.”
