Page 56 of One Last Rodeo

Does this mean that I’m using Jensen for attention? To fill some fucked up void that my ex left behind? I don’t know.

But I’m reaching behind my neck and slipping the straps of my sundress free anyway, letting it fall down my body as I cover my bare breasts with one arm.

He lifts his head slowly to watch me. This time, he doesn’t hide the way he looks at me. His gaze drags down my body, slow and hot, like he’s memorizing every inch of me.

“No bra tonight?” he asks, his voice rougher.

I step out of the dress, leaving myself in only a pair of black lace underwear. My biceps are still pressed against my nipples like I can hold onto this last bit of decency when he's already seen me naked before. But that night was supposed to be a one-time thing. I’m not so sure this will be the last time anymore.

“A bra wouldn’t work with the sundress.”

He rubs his jaw, eyes dipping lower, throat working as he swallows.

“Yeah. Makes sense. Wouldn't work with the dress.”

I move toward the edge of the tub slowly. The boards under my feet are warm, the night air is thick around us with the sound of insects and the bubbles from the jets. The smell of the chlorine in the hot tub tickles my nostrils, but other than that, it's all fresh air out here.

I slip into the water, and it’s warmer than I expected. It hugs every inch of my skin, a perfect contrast to the heat. It's comfortable. It feels good. Jensen watches me for a beat and then leans back again, tipping his face up and closing his eyes like he's giving me some space to adjust.

I settle in across from him, heart pounding wildly in my chest, wondering what he’s going to say next.

“So, did you have fun tonight?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say, eyes drifting to him across the water. “I did.”

He nods. “Well, good. That was the goal for this time off. For you to visit somewhere new and have fun.”

“I haven’t been on a first date in over a decade.”

His brows lift a little, soft eyes finding mine from across the softly bubbling water. “You were with the same guy for that long, huh?”

I nod. “Yeah. And I don’t even remember our first date.”

"Must have been terrible."

I let out a little laugh. “I'm sure it was.”

“When was the last time he’d taken you on any date?”

Oh God. Embarrassing. Our whole relationship revolved around our career—two surgeons in the same orbit, convinced ambition was romance and that we didn’t need anything more. Growing up onGrey’s Anatomydidn’t help; it made working in the medical field seem sexy. Like there'd be quiet moments where we'd get to slip away in the on-call room and hook up.

The reality was hospital cafeteria lunches and both of us falling asleep talking about work when we finally crossed paths at our apartment. There was definitely no time for spontaneous sex happening, especially during residency.

I guess I judged Dani a little too hard when she fell for her boss, because though my ex wasn't my boss, we shared a career, which meant we ended up sharing little else in common. The cheating stung, but it did help me realize that I loved my career more than I’d ever loved him. I’m certain he felt the same way.

“It’d been a while,” I say carefully.

He snorts. “Sounds like a dick.”

I laugh. “He is.”

“What’d he do to fuck it all up and lose the best thing that ever happened to him?”

I fight a smile, shaking my head. “I don’t think he’d say I was the best thing to ever happen to him. I think the woman he gotpregnant while we were engaged was the best thing that ever happened to him. And hopefully their kid will be too.”

Jensen’s face hardens. “What a fucking crime.”

I shrug, sinking an inch deeper into the warm water. “At the time, it felt like my world was ending… I was mortified. Now, I see things differently. I wish he would have ended things before he cheated. It made me feel so violated. You know?” I bite down on my lip, wondering if I'm sharing too much with him. Wondering if I'm being too open. Wondering if he’s going to see my vulnerability as a liability.