Page 43 of Shades of Grey & Gold

I force out a laugh, but my body is vibrating, trying to make light of the words, but the light doesn’t reach my eyes. And it’s not light, it’s dark.

I thought he’d reach out after graduation. I called his number a few times, but it went straight to voicemail. He fell off the face of the Earth back then, and because of Patrick and law school, I was too distracted to do anything about it.

For a few seconds, I’m twenty-three again, stuck in a relationship that was lackluster, but putting all of myself into law school. My chest heaves. I’m twenty-four, quitting law school because I think it might make Patrick happy, which would make me happy. I’m twenty-six, my world crashing and burning, quitting my job and moving away from everything I know and feeling like I have nowhere to turn. There’s a burn behind my eyes.

“I called you, you know.” The elevator doors start to slide shut and Callan puts his hand against the door to hold them open while keeping his eyes on me. “I called you for months after graduation. A few times I even left messages. You just disappeared.”

I can see him clenching and unclenching his jaw, he glances straight out the doors of the building. I follow his gaze as a black SUV pulls up and the driver, dressed in a suit, steps out. I frown and look back at Callan.

“Are you disappearing again, Callan? You don’t know how long you’ll be gone. You don’t know when you’ll be back… because you won’t be.”

For the second time today, I wish I could reach into the air and swallow the words back down. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is leave before he can. I can’t be left behind again. I won’t blow up my life for a man again.

I step between him and the elevator door, walking fast through the doors out of the office lobby, but I feel him right behind me. I hear his heavy footsteps following faster than my own can carry me.

The air outside is cold, my arms fold over my chest as Callan moves to stand in front of me. I feel like a petulant child, dwarfed by his tall frame on the sidewalk. I try to hide the full body shiver that runs through my body, but Callan notices. Because of course he does.

His hands reach up towards my shoulders, but he hesitates for half a second. He decidedly runs his hands up and down my arms slowly. Pushing warmth through the sleeves of my jacket as the turning weather spins freezing air around us.

He looks from me to the car beside us, up to the sky, and back down to me.

“Get in,” he says as his hands drop.

He turns and the driver, who has been standing watching me pout on the street, opens the polished black car door.

My face twists up in confusion as the driver clears his throat.

I look at the office doors behind me and then at Cal.

What am I doing? Go back to work!

The Max inside my head bellows at me with her hands outstretched, but she’s countered quickly. He’s Callan, and the need—that curiosity—to know everything is getting the best of me. And he said it was work. And I am his assistant.

“But—” I gesture back at the office.

“I’ll tell Richard you’re coming with me for…” He smirks and shakes his head, words tumbling out faster. “Fuck, professional development or something, please, Max, get in so I can try to explain. I don’t want to leave you like this. Please.”

My legs move toward the car before I can stop myself.

“Where are we going?” I grasp the handle to climb in but stop myself, waiting for the answer.

“Louis can bring you back here after dropping me off if you don’t want to come but please, get in, please Max.” Callan nods towards the driver, his tone begging.

I do and the driver shuts the door.

My stomach drops.

Silence. I look around the SUV and it’s spotless; like no one has ever been inside of it.

“Where are we going?” I ask quietly, after a few minutes of driving in silence.

“The airport!” Louis answers brightly, with the friendliest of smiles, glancing at me in the rearview mirror. I see his eyes dart to the side at Callan and his smile quickly disappears as he looks back at the road.

Callan turns his head towards me, taking a deep breath.

“When I left after graduation, I had to go home. My dad was sick. The family… our business needed help.” He glances up at Louis, then back at me. “I knew I would have to go back at some point, I was just hoping…”

His voice trails off, and he shakes his head.