Page 150 of Shades of Grey & Gold

If I’m alive and Max is alive, they will never stop coming for me, for her, for us.

Especially if they know I got out and their men perished.

I will spend the rest of my life watching every door she walks through, every room she enters and every person who stands too close.

No. I won’t put her through that. If I’m dead, they’ll stop going after her. And Nico can keep her safe while we take them down.

And then they won’t be a problem for anyone.

Not for me.

And not for Max.

I know which one of those worlds she can live in.

I don’t know if she will forgive me.

But I can live without her if I have to—if it means she is safe; if it means the Volkovs can’t touch her again.

I see the woman with the grocery bags circling her car to find me and I slink up the block, sticking to the shadows, forcing myself to walk without a limp. I keep to the side streets as I continue into the depths of the city, and I don’t look at my reflection in any of the dark windows I pass.

After six blocks, I find a bar that’s open and dimly lit, mostly empty this late at night.

No one looks at me when I walk in.

I sit at the far end of the bar, and I force my hand to stop shaking as I pull my wallet out of my pocket, throwing two twenty-dollar bills on the bar top.

“Whiskey, neat,” I say it low, my voice even though my body wants to shake in pain.

The bartender nods and I tap the counter.

He raises his eyebrows at me.

I pull out a hundred-dollar bill and toss it down with the twenties.

“And a phone, if you have one.”

He chuckles, sets a glass next to the cash. As he fills it with dark liquid, he drops a cell phone next to it.

“Would’ve let you borrow the phone for free but appreciate the tip.”

He grabs the cash, but I don’t move for the phone.

I let it sit there and I sip the whiskey for a bit.

Some time goes by. I let the burn tell me I’m still alive. I watch the door.

I think about Max and what they all must be going through at this moment, and that burns more, deep inside me.

I think about Nico and I think about the Volkovs and I let it all move through me.

It settles into something cold and certain and decided.

So, I pick up the phone.

It rings twice.

“Yeah?” Nico’s voice is clipped on the other end of the line, as it always is when he answers an unknown number.