Page 125 of Shades of Grey & Gold

I evaluate his face again.

Blank. His jaw ticks slightly.

Nico looks at the priest. He looks at the casket. He looks at his watch.

He rolls his eyes—so slight that no one would notice unless they were watching—as he clasps his hands neatly in front of his body.

He doesn’t look like a man who is drowning in grief.

The incense thickens. And I try to turn my body towards him to tell him to knock off whatever the fuck is going on in his head, say something about respect, but their mother squeezes my hand. I adjust my body forward and I think I squeeze back as we stand together.

I get a flash of standing in that disgusting kitchen the last time I saw him. I think about the last thing he said to me.

Run.

I did. I ran. And he was supposed to run with me.

I say the words repeatedly in my head to the closed mahogany casket in front of me.

You were supposed to run with me.

The priest says something that makes everyone bow their heads.

You were supposed to run with me.

Ripping me from my inner refrain, Nico lets out an exasperated sigh that’s only loud enough for my ears.

I bow my head.

But I don’t close my eyes as confusion and annoyance bloom inside my chest.

After the ceremony, we walk to the gravesite where they lower the casket into the ground.

Someone says more things. I hear nothing. I feel numb.

And finally, people start to disperse.

We end up back at the Renzetti house.

It’s filled with all the same people in all the same black clothes, just with snacks and whiskey instead of incense and scripture.

I shake hands with people I don’t remember and accept a necklace I don’t want—moon phases, all the gold ones carved into the office desk, all arranged on a dainty gold chain—from Nico.

I don’t put it on.

I make a point of shooting daggers at him with my eyes while I put it in my pocket and feel it there like a pulse.

He says something about finding it in Cal’s desk and assuming it was meant to be a gift to me.

I mumble a thank you as he checks his watch again. I almost lunge at him but he moves before I can.

I watch him cross the living room and kiss his mother, then both his sisters.

Then he goes over and talks to Gio and Rudi, who have stood at the back doors since we arrived. He nods towards me and all their eyes meet mine.

Because I’m the girl who has to be watched now.

I’m theirspecialpackage that must always have a keeper.