Page 31 of Indigo

She nods, and I try to read her expression. Is she regretful? Did she wish it was possible? She gives me nothing.

“Holding off is only killing us slowly, and I’m done suffering. I want you to fuck me.”

As if I wasn’t walking hard for days on end now, just the words out of her lips feel like a fist to my cock. The temperature in the room rises, and I step back, putting distance between me and the thing I want the most.

“And I said no.” Nash is still firm.

“When I asked, I didn’t think about how hard it would be. But I’m lucid now, and this has to end!”

Her voice vibrates with passion, and once again, I have to hold myself back. I’m not as strong as Nash telling her no with so much vehemence. Not as strong as Cassidy, who was able to hold her in his arms and not fold in two. I belonged to this woman from the moment she scowled at me the first time. She only has to ask me once, and I’ll do it for her.Anything.

“The answer is no, Indigo. Let’s move on.”

“This is madness. Why are you doing this to us? We can’t keep going like this…unless…” Her voice turns small as she wonders. “Unless you don’t want me. Was I too presumptuous to assume you wanted this?”

I don’t recognize the laugh coming from Nash. It’s dry and sarcastic without any hint of humor. “Not wanting you? That’s not the problem here, believe me.”

Indigo’s cheeks turn pink. “So, well. I want you, and you want me. Let’s do this.”

Nash steps into her space, crowding her just like I did before and tsks. “The problem is that you don’t really want me, do you? No. You want the pain to stop. Have you ever thought that’s not the way I want you? That being forced by your body is not how I imagined this going down? That I dream about a scent-match my whole life, and now I have an Omega reluctantly taking me?”

His words hurt, and it’s no denying I feel the same. I want her more than just willing. I dream when her need for me matches mine, when her sassy smile comes to play, and humor takes over her beautiful face. I crave the moment when she shares her true thoughts with me, and I’m not seen as the enemy anymore. The things I crave are impossible, so I pushed them out of my mind and told myself taking care of her was enough. Yet here comes Nash, spilling all our truths at once.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I just want this to end. I didn’t think that…”

Awkward silence leaves us four standing without managing to look at one another. I can’t think straight. I found my own mother dead, and for years, my dads made sure I understood that her death wasn’t from lack of love. I learned not to take her fucking death personally, yet I take every word out of Indigo’s mouth to heart. I took her rejections. I swallowed it all and let the bitterness fester inside my chest. Now she’s changed the game, and Nash is asking us to read between the lines of this request, and I’m having a hard time holding my ground when the thing I want the most is being dangled in front of my eyes.

Cassidy shakes his head. “She’s right. What are we going to do?”

“We are going to find a way. We’ll keep going.” Nash is quick to reply, but when I look his way, I see how lost he actually looks.

“I’m sorry,” Indigo whispers, fat tears streaming down her cheeks.

Nash wants me to say no until she wants me for the right reasons, but all I prayed for is for her to want me. Maybe I don’t have the same self-respect as my packmates, but I can’t stand here and watch her cry. My steps are heavy on the carpet as I cross the room with their eyes on me. I take her face into my rough palms and tip it up until we are looking eye to eye.

What kind of man leaves his Omega to suffer?

She already owns everything in me, and if she’s taking me for love, comfort, or relief, it doesn’t matter. I’m hers to be used, hers to be kept. Her mouth parts as she sucks in a breath, and my thumb traces her bottom lip, eyes glued to every reaction. My gentle touch ignites the perfume, sweet and subtle, and I breathe in before whispering, “How do you want me?”

nineteen

Indigo

It’s unfair for a man this size to even ask me something like this. How do I want him? He’s at least a foot taller than me and built like a fucking tank, yet he holds me with a gentleness I don’t expect, his gaze full of adoration.

Nash’s words ring in my ears, and I want to tell Hank he doesn’t need to go against his own wishes to satisfy mine. It’s not fair. Three days ago, I was scared they would take something I was not ready to give. I couldn’t see anything beyond the need to protect my own body. The future didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I decided my own path.

But then I lived through three days of hell. Three days when my body begged me for something I wanted to deny it. Three days of crying out loud and dissatisfaction, but it wasn’t only trials that happened in those three days.

They happened.

I watched them take care of me again and again and show more mercy than anyone in my life ever did. They respected mywishes and not only refused to touch me but also made sure I was comfortable. Never in my life has anyone looked at me and taken my words as law. Never have I felt so in control as when I rubbed myself out in front of them, and they took nothing.

They showed care and mercy while I asked for an impossible task, so today when I woke up more lucid than ever, I decided to stop the pain. There was no reason to keep up all the suffering. None of us deserves this.

Sex can be just about bodies satisfying their own needs. It can be easy and transactional, and now that I know I can trust them, I can do this without hurting. It all made sense in my head, but of course, the selfish little Indie never thought about what it meant to them. I only met Alpha packs who trafficked and bred Omegas. I’ve never thought about the ones who were left in the dark.

How was it for Hank, Nash, and Cassidy growing up thinking they would never scent-match?