Page 8 of On His Mind

“No, you won’t. That’s fine.”

Something goes tight under my sternum, high and mean.

He sighs. “Try to, Pers.”

That one I can do. “Yeah.”

He nods once. Then he reaches into his jacket and comes out with a piece of paper folded into quarters.

“It’s nothing, kid.” He holds it out.

I take it. I don’t open it.

Josh looks like there are ten things stacked up behind his teeth. I watch him swallow every one of them and pick something else instead.

Then he reaches over and takes the back of my neck in his hand, palm heavy and warm, thumb along the tendon.

“You earned this.”

My throat shuts so fast I nearly choke on nothing.

I look at the floorboards. There’s a knot in one of them shaped like a comma. I look at it very hard.

“You hear me?”

I nod.

His hand tightens once. “You didn’t get lucky. You didn’t sneak in. You didn’t fool anybody. You worked your ass off, and youearnedit, Percy.”

My fingers close around the paper until it bends.

Say it.

Two words. Two syllables. Six letters. I’ve said harder things to worse people in worse rooms with a caseworker taking notes on a clipboard.

Merci.

I can say it in French. It sits right there behind my teeth, whole and ready.

Say it in English, you coward.

I close my fingers around the sticky note until the paper bends.

“This is going to be the time of your life,” Josh says. “Enjoy it.”

He lets go before I’ve worked out how to breathe around it. Points a finger at me on his way to the door.

“Don’t make me drive up here. Fresh start, kid. Good first impression. Let the past stay in the past. Be present.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And don’t fight anybody bigger than you.”

I look up.

His mouth twitches. “Actually — don’t fight anybody. Mary made me promise I’d say that part.”

I almost smile.