Page 41 of The Birchwood House

Audrey sighed. “Yes, he’s been helping, definitely. And he’s not even really acting grumpy anymore about it, so I guess I should count my blessings. He seems to be finding excuses to spend time with me—he stopped by the mansion the other day, totally unexpectedly.”

Harper watched her face carefully for a few moments, her expression curious. “Is that not what you want? You don’t want him to seek you out?”

Audrey shrugged, pretending to concentrate on looking at one of the puppies so that she could avoid eye contact with Harper. Her uncertainty about her own feelings made her feel shy about sharing them. “I don’t really know how I feel about it,” she admitted after a moment. “I’m struggling with identifying and accepting my emotions.”

“Do you not really like Evan all that much? I mean, he’s handsome, but he is pretty uptight sometimes. His grumpiness must be kind of a hard pill to swallow if you’re considering dating him.”

Audrey shook her head. “It’s not that. I—I think I do like Evan. I mean, you’re right that he’s handsome. He’s very handsome. And he wasn’t grumpy on our date or when he came to the house. That’s not something that bothers me about him.” She sighed, letting the puppy lick her hand as if it adored her with its whole heart. She smiled, feeling comforted by its sweetness as she acknowledged the hurt that was still buried in her heart. “After being totally blindsided by my husband, I don’t know that I’ll ever be in a position to open my heart up again. I’m scared that I won’t be.”

Harper’s mouth curved upward a little into a sad smile. “I’m sorry, Audrey. I completely understand.”

“You do?” Audrey asked, feeling a twinge of concern for her friend. “Did—did you get your heart broken as well?”

Harper inhaled slowly and then sighed. “I haven’t had the easiest time with love either. Once I… well, let’s just say that my sister is now dating my wealthy ex-boyfriend.”

Audrey’s jaw dropped open, and she placed a sympathetic hand on Harper’s arm. “Harper, I’m so sorry. That must be awful for you.”

Harper shrugged. “I had two choices: I could dwell on it and let it ruin my life, or I could focus on cultivating optimism for the future that I want for myself.” She gestured around her with a smile. “This is my future. All these little darlings. The work can be really hard, but it’s so rewarding. I’m choosing to be happy in this life I have, and most of the time, that’s become really easy to do.”

“You’re amazing,” Audrey said, meaning it sincerely. “I admire your courage and strength so much.”

Harper smiled at her gratefully. “Thank you. That means a lot. And the truth is that I wouldn’t want to still be dating my ex either. I thought he was a different kind of guy, but he wasn’t. I’m glad I found out what he’s really like before I did something dumb like marry him.” She stared into space for a second and then gasped, turning to Audrey in alarm. “Oh no! I didn’t mean—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said?—”

Audrey tilted her head back with a laugh, dispelling the tension instantly. “No harm done. My husband and I had a lot of good years before I found out he wasn’t the upstanding man I always thought he was. Besides, my incredible daughter Michelle came out of my marriage.” She stared into space for a moment, mourning the life that she’d had before.

Does it hurt more or less, knowing it was all a lie?she wondered.Knowing that Clark wasn’t the man I thought he was makes our marriage ending easier, but it does cast a shadow over all the years we spent together.

She thought of family vacations with Michelle, driving along Route 66 or skipping along the sidewalks of New York City. She thought about carving pumpkins at the kitchen table for Halloween and making a messy but spectacularly elaborate gingerbread house. She thought about cheering Michelle on in her high school play, and of celebrating her graduation in their enormous back yard.

After a few seconds of gazing down memory lane, she realized with a jolt that the main character of all of her best memories was Michelle. Clark had been there and he’d been kind and fun to be around, but she didn’t have clear pictures of his smiling face or the way he’d sounded when he’d laughed, the way she did with Michelle.

She’s always been the most important person in my life,Audrey thought, tears filling her eyes.I’m so grateful that I still have her even after my marriage ended.

Harper, seeming to misunderstand the source of Audrey’s tears, placed a hand on her friend’s arm. “Are you okay?” she said gently.

Audrey nodded, smiling. “I am, really. I just… well, in spite of everything, I’m grateful that I’m here with my daughter and my mother. It’s been really healing—at least as far as my day to day goes.” She stood up briskly, her go-get-’em attitude fully returned. “Come on. Let’s go get some delicious dinner at Brasserie Belle.”

“Sounds great.” Harper stood up, smiling warmly. “Let me just duck into the bathroom to change from these scrubs into a nice sweater. I’ll be back in two seconds.”

Harper grabbed her sweater from where it was hanging on a coat hook near the door of her office and headed toward the bathroom. Audrey, finding herself alone in Harper’s office, allowed herself to release the last of her tears that were trying to get out.

This is all more complicated than I thought it would be, she thought, crossing her arms and strolling over to the window to look out at the vibrant hues of the pink and golden sunset, which was accented by gossamer clouds.I knew it would be painful, of course, but I didn’t expect to have this uncertainty about my own emotions.

She didn’t know if her hesitancy toward Evan was because she couldn’t see any kind of a future between them, or because she was scared of getting heartbroken again. In the past, she’d always known her mind and understood her emotions, and the uncertainty she was facing was new, uncomfortable territory for her.

She closed her eyes for a second, trying to picture Evan’s face. She thought about the way he’d smiled boyishly at the flea market, and the eager look he’d had in his eyes when he’d wanted to help her work on getting the hooks set up in the porch.

She smiled slightly, feeling a warm kind of glow rise up in her heart. Behind her, the puppies started yapping and running around in excited circles. She opened her eyes and turned to them with a smile.

“That’s how I feel too,” she whispered, crouching down and letting them lick her hand. “When I think about Evan, I get really excited—when I let myself.”

She sighed, standing up straight and looking around Harper’s office. It was cozy, decorated in bright colors, and although parts of it held the mess that inevitably came along with a busy life, for the most part it was charmingly organized. Audrey could tell that Harper loved where she worked, and that she’d made herself a home there.

I’m so sorry that happened to her, but I’m so impressed with her, Audrey thought.Her resilience is legendary. Could I possibly muster some of that kind of resilience for myself? Can I dare to see a way forward toward romance even after such heartbreak?

She took a deep breath, feeling unsure but hoping with all her might that she would be able to manage it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE