Page 13 of Gardening and Gargoyles

“Theater! Think of it as theater. It’s just a show. A show about sex, fine, but there are lots of those,” he chuckles and waves my feelings away.

“But it bothers me. It bothers me that you hid it from me. It bothers me that you’re looking at other women, or men, or couples, without telling me, sharing something that gives you sexual pleasure when I thought that was just the two of us. Why doesn’t that bother you? If you love someone, when they’re upset, shouldn’t you be upset, too?”

“Not necessarily,” Daniel says, tone sweet and patient.

I’m getting fucking whiplash from this guy.

And that should be enough of a red flag to wipe out any rationalizations, any green flags I saw before. No, not that I saw, that heallowedme to see.

“It’s just that I don’t thinkyouremotions should bother me, darling, as they’re not valid. I didn’t mean that. I mean, they’re not valid inthis case. You’re only upset because I have a hobby you don’t like. You think I’m doing something horrible, like cheating on you, and I’m not, Junie. I’m just enjoying a night of unusual theatrics, on my own. Some me time.”

“You keep saying that like we’re two separate entities. When you’re a couple, you’re more than just yourself.”

“But couples are still two individuals, and both deserve their—”

I cut him off before he can say “me time” one more time. Because that is now a phrase I hate with a passion. “Does your ‘me time’ include a night at Fantasy Lovers Hotel?”

Daniel goes silent.

“Daniel?”

“Of course not. I...”

“Before you lie to me, you should know that your account is open in front of me. I never closed the tab last night. Too upset.” That’s true. I leave out the seven-foot-tall gray guy with horns and wings, though.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.Oh.” I sniff in hard. I’ve had half a dozen breakups in twenty-six years. I’ve been cheated on before.

But I was never with someone like Daniel before. I was never engaged before.

It never hurt like this before.

“No. Not usually. Look, I was just a bit upset because of our little lovers’ tiff. I thought... I thought, well... We’re not married yet. I was stupid, love, out of my head, and a little drunk, and I—”

“So you did cheat on me?”

“No! I mean, no, it really doesn’t count.”

“What??”

“We’re not married!”

“We are engaged!”Were.It’s gone now. I know it already, but the rage and the sadness are fighting it out inside of me.

“No, but I won’t be doing that in the future, and I never have in the past. Last night I was just realizing that if... If I everdidconsider compromising, I wouldn’t be able to do certain things anymore, and so I—”

My heart snaps in half, but it’s a clean break. It’s not jagged. It’s not even bittersweet. There are so many things I can deal with. Struggle through. A guy with limitations in his wallet, in the bedroom, in his own body or health? I would be willing to deal with that stuff.

To find out that the guy I’m engaged to gaslit me? That he did cheat on me while claiming it was all “theater”... To hear how lies, secrets, and different versions of a man I thought I knew keep piling up...

“We’re done, Daniel. I’m not going to tolerate cheating.”

“But I won’t! I mean, I never have before, and last night was as much your fault as mine!” Daniel cries.

“Nope. I can be gaslit on a lot of things. I mean, wow. I really didn’t know you, did I? But I do now. I do now,” I whisper, repeating it as the truth sinks in. “And I don’t like you. I don’t love you. I loved some version of you that you keep on the surface. The inside? You can call it what you want, but you lie, you’re selfish, and you were never planning on telling me about something that involves sexual relationships—and no, Danny, I don’t care if the relationship isn’t physical. It’s the trust and the communication that matter. You shut me out. Get yourself another ‘perfect wife’ to keep in the family-friendly version of your world. I want a man who can love me with every bit of himself, even the dark, secret, selfish parts. That’s real love.”

“June, listen—”