Page 26 of Rock Me

I had timeto think while Summer slept, and I knew I had to come to terms with my need and desire for her.I might not want to repeat past mistakes, might not want to be like my old man, might not want to deal with the inevitable heartbreak when she leaves on a world tour and becomes a superstar… but I can’t resist her.And that little fact, although it doesn’t change my fears, supersedes them.As long as we come to an understanding about what this thing between us is… and isn’t.

At my admission, her eyes open wide and her mouth parts in a sexy little O.I can’t help but chuckle at her astonished expression, not that I blame her.She has every right to think I have been withdrawing from her.And though a part of me wants to do just that and protect my heart, I can’t keep doing the push-pull dance that hurts her.Hell, it hurts us both.

As much as I owe her an explanation for my earlier behavior, it entails a gut-wrenching, reaching-into-my-soul accounting of why I kept my distance to begin with.And I don’t like to revisit my childhood and my parents’ marriage, mostly because watching things play out between them hurt and ultimately skewed my views on life and love.

I reach up and pull her down from her perch on the sofa, toppling her onto the cushions alongside me.Her fragrant scent wafts over me as she rights herself and adjusts into a sitting position and smooths a hand over her damp braided hair.

“You’re in a very good mood this morning.”

I laugh.“Because I had fantastic sex last night and I’m anticipating even better this morning.I just want to get something straight between us.”

“What would that be?”she asks.

“This is sex.Great sex.Hot sex.But just sex all the same.You’re going to be embarking on a huge career, and I’m not looking for anything serious.Are we in agreement?”I ask.

She treats me to a jerky nod, and I hate the vulnerable look that flashes over her face.“Great sex.I can handle that.”

Before I can reply, my cell phone rings.

I shoot her a regret-filled look and pull the phone from my back pocket, answering the call.“Hollander.”

My boss is on the other end.“What’s up?”I ask.

“Heard you canceled the party at my place,” Dan says, not sounding happy.

He always hosts a get-together for his employees’ birthdays and holidays, his home the gathering place for anyone who doesn’t have a family or those who want to celebrate with friends instead.Dan has his reasons for declaring holidays celebration worthy, and I understand them even if I’m not the celebrating type.

“It’s just a birthday.They come around every year.We can postpone it or skip it altogether,” I say in what I know will be a futile attempt at bailing on my own party.

Dan’s next words ensure that I will be there, no matter what.

“Yes, sir,” I say with the utmost amount of respect.“We’ll be there.”With a groan, I disconnect the call.

“What’s wrong?”Summer asks, curling her legs beneath her.

“Question for you,” I say, not answering hers.This weekend, we have a trip to Atlantic City for a hotel performance, but nothing until then.“I didn’t see anything on your schedule for tomorrow.Are you still free?”

She nods.“Why?”

I prop an elbow on the top of the sofa, my arm close to hers.“What you heard on the phone earlier was me telling Ava to cancel a birthday party the people I work with were planning.”

“For you?”she asks, surprised.

“For me.Tomorrow is my birthday,” I say with reluctance.

“Ben!Why didn’t you say something?”she asks, a little bit of hurt in her voice.“I’d have bought or made a cake!Birthdays are important.”

Which is why I didn’t tell her.“Birthdays were never a big deal to me.Well, maybe they were when I was younger, but when my parents’ marriage went south, all the family celebrations ended.”I eye her carefully, wondering if she’ll judge me for how screwed up my family is.

She comes from what I consider a functional family unit, two parents, happily married, with a daughter they dote on.Well, until she disappointed them by cutting them out of her career decisions.Come to think of it, maybe they aren’t all that functional, after all.Maybe nobody comes from the perfection I wish I could have had.Still, my dad set an example of how a man should be careful with the choices he makes.Putting Summer in a no-serious-relationship zone makes perfect sense.

Summer places a comforting hand on my arm, her soft fingers searing my skin, forcing those thoughts out of my mind.“What happened?”she asks.

I swallow hard.“It’s not important.”

Her pretty pout does nothing to dissuade me from not discussing my past.

“Fine.You’re off the hook.For now.”