Page 84 of The Lost Husband

Noah can’t know I’m being kept here, or that I’ve been watching him, praying they leave him alone and let him be until Christoph returns.

I stopped sleeping two days ago. I can’t will myself to sleep so I’ve been lying awake, staring at a stain on the ceiling, my heart beating slowly, painfully, each thud a reminder of the hollowness inside of me.

Christoph should be back today. He will be back today. He must be.

My hands slip down the window, leaving a foggy smear from my fingertips. I clench my hands by my side, pressing my fingernails into my flesh until pain weakens the images in my head.

Behind me, Avi shifts around in the bed. I turn to her, knowing she must need something. “What do you need?”

“To get out of this cot. Shouldn’t Christoph be returning today?”

“Yes.” My word sticks to the roof of my mouth. I’m not sure about much.

“It’s early. He has time,” Elias says.

Hope is dangerous enough but believing everything is going to work according to plan has already cost me too much.

* * *

Seven days—that’s what the lieutenant said before Christoph left. At seven days, they would be transporting the prisoners they considered necessary to push forward, and the others would be eliminated.

Yesterday was the long seventh day.

And this morning the yard is silent.

No one shouting orders. No boots sloshing through the corridor. No doors slamming. My heart is pounding, watching the back door of the prisoner building.

I didn’t see them leave. I’ve been at the window, my cheek pressed against the glass. The prisoners were taken into the building last night, but I haven’t seen movement since.

And there’s no sign of Christoph.

Elias steps over me, heading for the window. He isn’t looking for a hint of Christoph. He’s looking to confirm that everything has changed.

Elias steps away from the window and over to Avi’s bed, checking her forehead—something we’ve taken turns doing every couple of hours. “No fever.”

It’s been two days since it broke.

“I’m sure Christoph got held up at the border,” Elias says. “They can’t possibly be clear, especially not in the west.”

“I didn’t see them leave,” I tell him.

“It’s so quiet out there. It hasn’t been quiet since we arrived.” He’s stating facts I don’t want to accept.

He knew what was at stake. If Christoph was coming back, he’d be back by now. He would have been here yesterday.

I promise,is all I hear in my head.

I held on to those words once before too. There was even a moment when I blamed the death of my baby on it, but that was the grief talking. Wherever he was, wherever he went during that time, it wasn’t Christoph giving up on me. I know him better than that. He wouldn’t do that to Noah, and wouldn’t do it to me. But somehow, it’s happening again.

“When we confirm they are truly gone, we need to leave and keep moving,” Elias says. “Tomorrow by the latest.”

“It’ll take you a day to figure out how to get that door unlocked,” Avi tells him. The first hint of her recovery. Her feisty sarcasm and attitude have returned.

I sit down on the edge of Avi’s bed while Elias goes to inspect the door.

If they’ve all left, they decided to keep us locked up in this room, which would mean they either believed I was conspiring with Noah, or didn’t want to waste their time figuring it out since Christoph didn’t return yesterday. I’m guessing the latter.

I don’t know what they’ve done to Noah, or what they think of him now, but they were clear about the consequences if Christoph didn’t arrive back in time. Everything inside of me is numb, and I want to push those thoughts away and believe there’s still hope.