Page 9 of The Lost Husband

Avi sneers and narrows her eyes. “They stole my childhood. When they crossed into eastern Poland in thirty-nine, they claimed only to be there to protect us, just like they’re doing now.”

I don’t doubt what she’s saying, but there are still only two sides: the Soviets and German soldiers. One let us out of the gates.

“It was a lie. They billeted my home, stole our farm, then sent my father to prison for selling grain without Soviet approval. He was dead two weeks later. They just wanted to get rid of him. And they did.” Her stare drops to her feet. “They weren’t there to protect us. They wanted our land, and the women at their disposal.”

The heaviness in my head returns, and the familiar tightness in my stomach surges. I wrap my arms around my middle, pressing against the discomfort, trying to swallow against the acidic vapors clawing up my throat.

Worse, a depiction of her words colors my mind, bringing along instant remorse for questioning her.

“I—I’m sorry. I didn’t realize—I can’t imagine going from the Soviets occupying your village to the Germans.” I didn’t know how much worse others had it before I even began to see the downfall in the Netherlands.

“They both want the same thing. The Soviets just happened to stumble upon us yesterday—Germany’s attempt at genocide.Now the Soviets look like heroes in comparison. But they’re not…at least, not to me.”

My knees shake so hard they won’t lock into place. I won’t make it far. Each step is like fifty when all I can do is focus on the soiled snow amid soaked belongings. More come into view… a Bible, a cloth diaper, a teacup, silver spoon, and a German uniform.

A German uniform. Field-gray sleeves reaching for me, lifting me from the ground…

I wanted it to be Noah, but not in that uniform.

“Didn’t you say you were looking for someone?” Avi asks between quick breaths.

“Yes. I am. He might already be ahead with the others going in this direction.” It isn’t a complete lie. He’s just in the back of a Soviet truck she most definitely would not want to follow.

“Does he know you’re looking for him?” she questions.

If I say yes, it wouldn’t make sense that he’d be walking away without me. “No, I saw him from afar. I—I thought he was dead.”Noah is dead.

Avi gives me a quick glance, her brows furrowing, trying to make sense out of what I’m saying. None of it makes sense to me either. “Family?”

I nod, hoping her questions will stop.

The path funnels between tall brown guard towers, still standing strong when so much else has been destroyed. Guards and officers once stood up there morning, noon, and night, just waiting for an infraction. I can still feel their eyes dragging across my skin like a blade.

Avi’s breaths are heavy from carrying her weight and tugging part of mine. I don’t know how she has so much strength.

“Why were you left behind? They didn’t force you to march?” I gasp.

Her short hair flips out along the back of her neck as she shrugs her shoulders. “Not sure. They made me stay to burn papers in metal rubbish bins. What about you?”

“I was sick with dysentery and couldn’t get up from the cot. By the time of the rumors about all capable prisoners marching out of the camp, I was on the mend, but it was too late to prove I could move. The SS had already decided to leave us to die.”

I need to relieve her of my extra weight. Just the thought makes me trip, my hands plunging deep into the snow. I grit my teeth and force myself back up, fighting the pain with whatever strength I have left.

“This won’t work,” Avi says. “You can’t possibly be strong enough to walk very far. Dysentery and a head injury?”

“You don’t have to stay with me. I’ll catch up.”

“You mean, leave you here to die? That isn’t a real suggestion, is it?” she snaps.

“You barely know me, and I’m grateful you helped me up. I am. Believe me… I don’t want to die.” I need to catch up with that Soviet truck.

“I don’t think we have much say in when we die,” she mutters.

“I’ll decide whether I live or die. I survived fifteen months in Auschwitz. It isn’t my time yet.”

Avi scoffs and shakes her head. “God, you remind me of my older sister.”

“How?”