Page 18 of Love Expert

“Sure.” I exhale a soft laugh and enjoy the reddening of Billy’s cheeks. “I hope you enjoy your not-a-date, Detective.”

“It’s not a—” He pauses, scowls, then spins, muttering under his breath. “It’s not a friggin’ date.” He gently smacks Jeremy’s butt and sends the boy skittering up the stairs. “Get inside and have a bath. You stink, dude. Tania’s gonna be here in a bit.”

“Is she babysitting me so’s you can go out on your date?” Jeremy whips the front door open and darts inside amid thunderous feet and wild giggles. “It’s a date, Dad! Why are you being so silly about it?”

“Because it’s not a date!”

ROUND EIGHT

BILLY

“This is some serious bullshit.” I climb out of my car in the middle of town, nose to the curb, and slam my door. Then I stomp across the blacktop and onto the sidewalk. “I don’t do this shit, so why the hell would you put my name anywhere near this nonsense?”

“Because we love Alana, and because we wanna support her adventures.” Like a total fucking dickhead, Ramone steps in my way and brushes invisible lint off my chest. “Also, because you look good in this black shirt and you know it, so even though yousayyou’re not interested in this bullshit event, you still made sure you looked good. That means you’re interested.” He wrinkles his dumb fucking nose. “Even if just a little bit. Now come on.” He turns and joins the long line of people waiting outside her store. Which is really fucking weird, since there areneverlines anywhere in Plainview.

Yet here we are, fifty feet from the front door and at least fifty people ahead of us.

“Jesus. How many folks are coming to this thing?”

“Half of ‘em aren’t even single,” Ramone chuckles. “They’re just nosey. But it’s nice anyway, cos everyone has to pay to get in the door, so even the sticky beaks are contributing funds to Alana’s bank account.”

“Alana’s bank account is fine.” I roll my eyes. “She’s loaded.”

“She and Tommy are loaded.Sheis not. This place is like an ugly step-sibling constantly forgotten at Christmas, and although Tommy keepsinviting that ugly kid in outta the rain, Alana saysno! You’ll stay out there and earn your keep, you little shit.”

I purse my lips in frustration. “Seriously?”

“Paints a picture, though, right?” Like a fucking schoolgirl, his shoulders bounce and his cheeks puff. “She wants her store to succeed on its own, but it’s basically impossible, since Plainview just isn’t big enough, and the Book Club Bitches scare legit customers away purely by existing. The place is destined to fail, but she’s doing this event anyway, and Tommy said wehaveto come. It is what it is.”

“I don’t wanna be here,” I growl, inching forward as the line slowly starts moving and folks reach for their wallets. “Can’t I just pay and leave again? That way, I’m still supporting Alana.”

“But you wore that sexy shirt and everything.” He glances around the crowd, searching for the singles because he, too, is single, and Ramone Devereaux has never been a stranger to the art of the mingle. “Plus, Tommy and Alana signed up back when they thought they’d need to plump the numbers. Chris and Fox, too.”

“The married folks are gonna speed date… other people?”

“Right?! It’s gonna be a bloodbath.” He practically fucking dances his way to the front of the line, so when we arrive and meet the little-bit pregnant Fox Tatum taking cash, Ramone tries on his patented smolder. “If things go well for us tonight, I swear to adopt your baby, Ms. Tatum. I’d treat it like my own.”

“Aww. You’re just too sweet, Detective.” She reaches across like she intends to cup his face, only to end it with a clap that bounces into the street. “I appreciate having options, but I’d rather your money. Quickly please. You’re slowing the line down.”

“Those baby hormones making you cranky? He pulls out a couple of fifties—two of them, to be precise—and hands them over in exchange for a ticket. “I heard that mean streak settles in the second trimester.”

“My hormones are just fine.” She flashes a wolfish, taunting grin, then she looks my way and offers her hand, palm side up. “I’m gonna need two of those Ulysses, or a single Benjamin Franklin, Detective. Then head on inside, grab a glass of bubbly if you want it. We’re set to get started in twenty minutes.”

“A hundred bucks?” Disgusted, I pull the bills from my wallet and slap them to her palm. “I’m a single dad doing my best to raise an expensive little boy. Don’t you realize the tooth fairy’s set to come tonight? Who’ll fund that if I spend all my money here?”

“Maybe you’re walking in a single dad, but you’ll walk out again witha bride. Then you can support her, too.” Laughing, she slips her cash… away. Somewhere. She’s fuckin’ fast. She lays a ticket in my palm and gestures inside. “Hold onto that. It’s a lucky door thing. Winner gets a prize.” She steps around me to greet the nextdaters.

“Come on.” Ramone grabs my arm and drags me through the door, into a crowd heavy with bodies and way too much chatter. Folks giggle and buzz, they drink and flirt.

“Jesus. It’s not like we don’t see all these same people every single day.” I drop my head and avoid every single set of eyes that look my way. “Call it a special singles event all you want, these are still the same idiots we avoid every other day of the week.”

“Youavoid them.” He snags a champagne flute from a passing server and fobs it off to me, then he selects a second for himself. “I don’t. In fact, I do all I can to flag the pretty ones down in traffic and lead them to my bed.”

“Ramone?” Remi Devereaux skids to a stop just three feet away, horrified and green in the face. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“What areyoudoing here?” He darts forward and crowds his baby sister against a bookshelf. “This is a dating thing, Rem! Don’t you realize the slimebags these things attract?”

“Slimebags like you?” She spits back. “Dude! I just heard that thing about leading women to your bed.”