Page 112 of Love Expert

Except in the bedroom. In the bedroom, women want you to go bananas.

Eliza:

You’re sleeping with my brother! Shut up about bananas already!

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Ramone:

RED ALERT! RED ALERT! He’s dragging her through my house. Are y’all watching this?

If you damage my tiles, I’m sending you the bill, motherfucker!

I’m gonna go stand at the door and wait for them to come out of the bathroom.

Eliza:

You’re so juvenile.

Alana:

They’ve been in there a while. Eek!

Brienne:

I wanna be at that barbecue! Why can’t I be there???

Ramone:

Because Billy’s former date can’t come to my house while we’re trying to nudge him and Maggie together. It would make things awkward.

Brienne:

But I’m invested now! I started this group chat, and now I’m excluded from the irl get-togethers. That’s rude!

Devina:

If Maggie found out about this group chat, she’dprobably freak.

Ramone:

Don’t sweat it, cutie pie. Once Maggie and Billy are finally sorted and we can all come out of hiding, I’ll invite you to my next thing.

Brienne:

You’re talking to me, right? I know you’re not, but I’m gonna make you say it out loud, so you know exactly how rude you’re being right now.

Ramone:

You’re too pretty to be bitter. Maybe your True Love will slide down the chimney this Christmas.

Also, I feel like a total creep right now. I’m standing in the hall, and I think we’re only at the halfway mark. My man has some frustrations to work through.

Alana:

DUDE! Step away from the bathroom door!

Eliza: