Page 102 of Love Expert

“I didn’t mean it.” He breaks down in loud, keening sobs, stumbling forward and crawling onto my lap. His body jerks and hitches, his sorrow wringing him out and leaving us both a soggy mess. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean what I said.”

“I know.” I sit back in my chair and stare up at the porch roof, blinking through my tears and sniffling back the run in my nose. “It’s not your fault that you say hurtful things when you’re mad.” I press a kiss to the side of his head. “You got that from me.”

“I’m just so angry,” he sobs. “And sad.”

“I know.”

“If I didn’t burn myself, I wouldn’t have had to go to the hospital, and if I didn’t go to the hospital, none of this would’ve happened.”

“No.” I cup both sides of his face and draw him back. I want to look into his eyes, but all I manage is a whole new heartbreaking image seared into my retinas. His perfect face, scrunched with agony and grief. “You getting burned has absolutely nothing to do with anything else. That was an accident, Jeremy. It wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t Maggie’s fault either. It was nobody’s fault.”

“But you said you were mad at yourself. You said?—”

“All sorts of dumb shit, because that’s what I do when I’m mad or sad or stressed. I trusted Maggie to take care of you—Istilltrust Maggie to spend time with you—anytime either of you like. You’re the most important person in my life, theonlything that truly matters to me, so when I found out you got hurt, and I was already feeling big, crappy feelings from other things, I needed to see you. To know you were okay. I was tryingsohard not to say unkind things to Maggie or anyone else, because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but because I wassofocused on not saying anything mean, I didn’t have any brain space leftover for anything else. I couldn’t even think of anything nice, and when she got up to leave, I couldn’t think of an excuse to stop her.”

“But you could tell her now.” He crushes his eyes shut, squeezing fresh tears onto his cheeks. “Go over there before she sells the stuffed cat. Ask her to stay.”

“But she has free will,” I croak. “She has a right to live anywhere she wants, with whoever she wants, and it wouldn’t be fair of me to ask her to stay when I’m the guy who is rude and mean and grumpy to everyone.” I drag my thumbs beneath his eyes. “No one wants to stay for that, remember?”

“I wanna stay for you.” Sobbing, he escapes my hands and surges forward, his arms going around my neck and the sharp tip of his shoulder digging into my windpipe. “You’re not actually mean or grumpy in your heart. You’re just scared sometimes.”

Yeah. Pretty fuckin’ much.

“I wish Maggie would choose us.” His chest bounces with wracking cries. “Mom didn’t get to choose, cos she died at the hospital and didn’t even get to come home with me one time.” He sniffles a long line of snot. “I wish Maggie was my mom, too. Cos then she wouldhaveto stay.”

I drop my head back and close my eyes.

Put a fuckin’ stake in my heart and end my life. Please.

“Molly’s mom spends time with Molly cos she’s her mom. But Molly told me Maggie only spends time with me because it’s her job.” He digs his head uncomfortably under my chin. “I said Maggie loves us and I was gonna maybe marry her someday, but Molly said I was being dumb, and that Maggie was only my friend cos she was being paid to do it.”

Exhaling a long sigh, I pull him back again and search his soaked eyes. “Maggie’s job was to help me get ready for my meetings. To help me pick ties and choose nice jeans. But every single time she sat with you on the grass…” I glance across to the boundary garden. “Every time she threw balls with you, or baked cookies, or wrote a letter and put it in the window… that was because shewantedto. Because she loves you. Every time she hugged you was because she loves you. Every time you stood in the garden and shouted her name, and she came outside with a big smile, that was because she loves you.”

“But—”

“That’s like saying I only hang out with Ramone because it’s my job. But it’s not.” I swallow the bubbling ache burning my throat. “I spend time with Ramone at work, because that’s my job. But when we’re not at work, when we’re here, or at his house, we hang out because we want to. Because we’re family.”

“Is Maggie my family?” His breath hitches and catches. “Do you think she loves me like family?”

Yes.

No.

I don’t fucking know.

“I think she loves you very much. She didn’thaveto bake cookies, and she didn’thaveto leave notes in the window, or sit with you in the garden, or throw your balls back over the fence. She didn’thaveto do any of that stuff. But she did it anyway, and none of it was because she was being paid to.”

“Oh my gosh. That clock is just divine!” Barbara, Bitchy Barbara of the Bitchy Book Club, crosses Maggie’s lawn, wringing her hands and grinning wide enough to make her face stretch. “I remember when your grandmother bought this.”

Maggie turns to study the old woman, her expression a direct contrast to Barbara’s. One of them beams, the other is flat. One takes great pleasure in picking through Patrice’s things, and the other…

Peeks this way.

Maggie’s golden stare stops on mine, as a soft breeze tugs her hair forward, and a deep breath forces her chest higher. Her gaze shifts just a fraction lower and stops on Jeremy, her brows pinching in response. Then she brings her beautiful eyes back up again and releases a sad sigh.

“I heard you’re Plainview’s resident matchmaker!” Barbara grabs Maggie’s hands, even the one wrapped in a crisp white bandage, and elicits a grimace of pain from her captive. “It’s the talk of the town!”

“Oh, well…” Maggie carefully drags her sore hand free and exhales a fake laugh to appease the woman who doesn’t handle rejection well. “I don’t know about that. It doesn’t appear I’m very good at it, does it?”