Page 115 of Always Love You More

“You know?” she asks, pushing herself up. “That’s why you’re here—you know.”

I nod.

“H-he’s really gone,” she whispers, choking out the last word.

I can’t tell if she’s asking or telling me. So again, I just nod.

“What am I gonna do without him? Without him to take care of me? He was always there to … How am I gonna live without my brother?” she gasps, the questions coming one after another. “What am I gonna do? I don’t know what I’m gonna …”

I wrap myself around her, tucking her into my chest. “Shh,” I breathe. “I’ve got you.”

It’s like the contact rips her open, and now that there’s someone to pick her up, she lets herself truly fall. A sob breaks from her lips, and I know it’s a sound I’ll never get out of my head. One I’ll never fucking forget.

It’s pure agony.

Pure heartbreak.

Movement from the other side of the room catches my eye, and I watch Billy slide down the doorway, his face painted with devastation.

I hold on to her tightly, stroking her hair, telling her it’s going to be all right, that I’ve got her, that I’m not gonna let her go. And she continues to shatter in my arms. Her body shakes againstmine as sobs rack through her, until she’s crying so hard there’s no air left for her to breathe.

“It hurts,” she says, forcing the words out.

On instinct, I trail my eyes over her, looking for an injury, until I realize she’s talking about inside.

Thatinsideher hurts.

“My chest,” she gasps. “I can’t …”

I pull away from her, giving her space.

“Jamie, I don’t …” She rubs at her chest before her hand moves up to her throat. “I … can’t … breathe.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Billy,” I call out, and he rushes over to me. “Go to my house. There’s a blue duffle bag in my closet. Top shelf. Grab it and bring it back here.”

He nods, leaving without a word.

I turn back to Sam and keep my voice steady. “I need you to listen to me, okay? Can you do that?”

She stares back at me, eyes wide.

“You’re having a panic attack. We just need to calm you down. Can you try to take a breath with me?” I grab her hand, bring it up to my chest, and breathe, hoping she’ll follow.

She does, so I do it again.

“Good,” I tell her, fighting to keep my voice calm. “Just like that. Can you give me another one?”

She sucks in another breath and exhales shakily. “That’s it,” I tell her. “You’re okay.”

We stay like this until her breathing becomes more steady.

I lean forward, wiping the tears from her face with the pad of my thumb, but they just keep falling.

“He was all I had,” she whispers, her voice so low I can barely make out the words. “How am I supposed to live without—”

“You have me,” I tell her. “As long as you want me, you’ll always have me.”