Page 18 of The Odyssean Duke

“I am blessed and lucky to have had my daughters,” her mother continued, eyeing Evelina meaningfully. “Being a mother has been one of the great joys of my life.”

A lump rose in Evelina’s throat, and a startled laugh tore from her. “Did Theodora tell you?”

“She did.”

Evelina chuckled, a little anxious. “I suppose you are rather scandalized.”

Her mother shook her head. “When it comes to you, very little scandalizes me.”

“I do nottryto scandalize,” Evelina said, although that was only partly true.

It was entirely fair to say that she did receive a little pleasure from being scandalous.

“I was not asking you to justify yourself to me,” her mother said. “Your plan is unconventional; that is true. However, mine was not. I did what most ladies do—married young and stayed married.”

“Until your husband betrayed you,” Evelina said quietly.

“And nearly ruined Theo’s life,” her mother added. “I could forget unkindness paid to me, but never to my daughter.”

“You are stronger than many,” Evelina said, thinking that her mother had a quiet strength about her. After divorcing, many ladies would not dare venture into high society again, but her brave mother resisted the urge to flee.

“I found my strength becoming a mother. As will you.”

A swell of affection overcame Evelina, who had imagined that her mother would try to dissuade her from her outlandish plan. Admittedly, her mother had only heard of Evelina’s initial plan, which involved marrying a lower-class man. She did not know of the second plan, which was to conceive her child out of wedlock.

“I would remind you of one thing, though,” her mother said. “While I would never tell you what you may or may not do, choosing to have a child with someone who is beneath you will make you a social pariah. If you have a marriage of convenience with an equal, however, you might still have your family and remain a respectable member of society. You must have some nice friends that?—”

“I cannot trust gentlemen toremainnice,” Evelina interrupted. “You were married thirty years and still could not predict what your husband might do. I cannot risk that. As a married woman, I would have no assets or rights to my own children.”

That was why she ought not to wed at all, but the previous night’s excursion had proven that she was not yet preparedto engage in a congress with a man. Evelina forced away the memory of dark, piercing eyes and sinfully full lips.

“What if their father decided to take them from me? I would be helpless,” Evelina said. “Practically, it would be best to have a child and remain a dowager countess.”

Her mother inhaled sharply, eyes widening.

“But if I cannot do that,” Evelina continued, “I must find a man who is inferior to me. Then, I will be able to use my position to have some influence, and I will have a clever lawyer negotiate the precise terms of my marriage.”

Her mother slowly nodded. “I had no doubt that you had considered the matter carefully,” she said. “I suppose there is some reason that you do not wish to adopt a child? That must have occurred to you.”

“It did,” Evelina agreed. “And I just…I want the experience of having a baby, too. I want to feel a child growing within me and to know that I havemadethat child myself. What a wondrous feeling I imagine that is!”

“Well,” her mother said. “I cannot be too surprised. You have always been so fiercely independent.”

Evelina nodded and bit her lip. For a few moments, neither she nor her mother spoke. The only sound was the sweeping music of the orchestra and the laughter and conversations of happycouples. She glanced at one couple, a young man and woman who stood a respectable distance away from one another. Her blood roared in her ears as she remembered the way His Grace had gazed at her. Evelina had the phantom sensation of his fingers brushing over her stomach, and her breath hitched.

“I am a little afraid,” she murmured.

“Of what?” her mother asked.

Evelina swallowed hard. “Of—of doing what is required to produce a child.”

Her mother sighed deeply. “I wish I had some comfort to offer. I felt similarly, but regrettably, my discomfort at—atthatnever faded. I imagine it might be different if you are with someone whom you love, though.”

Evelina nodded, but her stomach lurched. She would not be with someone whom she loved.

“You should speak to the other ladies in your club,” Evelina’s mother said. “Perhaps they can offer some insight that I cannot.”

That was entirely possible, but Evelina’s face grew hot just thinking about it. Even though she was no stranger to scandalous topics, intercourse was something entirely different from suggesting that women were intellectually equal to men or that women ought to be allowed to divorce their husbands more easily. And even if Evelina could make herself approachthe subject with her friends, she would not have the words to express what she feared. As His Grace had said, she could not evennamethe deed that she was thinking of.