Page 36 of Kat Bethel

I sighed.

I could guess what happened. His pretty young thing got a whiff of who he was and threw his ass to the curb. Now he was crawling back to the person who always forgave him. The one who always broke, so he never had to bend.

I bit my lip.

What if he treated me like the shadow did?

If he couldn’t stand to keep his hands to himself. Kisses on my shoulder, because he felt like it. Imaginary orgasms that made my entire body quiver.

What if for one singular second, he treated me like I was special?

Tears rolled down my cheeks before I could stop them. The saliva in my throat became thick and hard to swallow.

Why did I tolerate him for so long?

You know the answer to that.

Because the second my mother abandoned me on my aunt’s porch and never looked back was when I decided I wasn’t worthy of love.

Yeah, therapy was great. Now I understood why I did things without understanding how to solve the root problem.

Where did she end up?

Don’t ask yourself questions like that. You won’t like the answer.

She never looked back. I shouldn’t either.

I wasn’t a bad kid. I didn’t deserve that. I worked hard to get where I was, and I wouldn’t let her or an ungrateful man distract from what I’d accomplished.

I was worthy.

I fought in battles that would make both of them piss themselves. They weren’t worthy of me.

That thought hurt more than I was prepared for. My hands shook, and I found my breathing coming in heavy wheezes. My lungs refused to fully expand so I could get a solid breath.

“Fuck.”

I stumbled into the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face, and closed my eyes. Deep breaths.

In.

It shouldn’t take so much effort to do something so basic.

Out.

Was that girl prettier? Or was she simply better than me?

In.

No. She was easier to manipulate. That doesn’t make her better. That makes her weaker.

Out.

No one will ever love you.

In.

That’s not true.